Cross Path

Lord, I’ve reached the end of the road called My Way and can see no further beyond the last step I took. By the miracle of your grace that last step led to you.  Only you can bring about the change in course I desperately need to merge onto the road called Your Way.  I am here now accepting the fact God loves me so much that he gave You,  His only begotten Son, to die on the cross at Calvary.   He raised you up on the third day for one thing, to save my soul.  Thereby cleansing me with your blood. You removed me from the street called Dead End and placed me soundly on the Highway of Everlasting Life.  I am redeemed.  I am healed. I am set free. I am saved! I am a new creature embarking on a new journey.  My eyes are on you, Lord.  Wherever you lead me I will follow. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Suggested reading John 3:16-17

I Demand a Recount or Who Pooed In My Pie?

One could guess by the title I had some difficulty choosing one.  If you have seen the movie or read the book, "The Help" you surely recognize the reference but more on that later.  These days my memory is a little fuzzy but I seem to recall a time not too long ago when Al Gore and George W. Bush were running for President of the United States.  Al Gore believed he had won the election but the victory went to George W. Bush.  My intention is not to discuss politics neither is it to debate the details of that particular election, I simply want to point out that expected victories can get taken away if we let them.

As believers we know that Jesus Christ, through His death and resurrection, was victorious over death.  1 Cor 15:22 states: For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.  And still, we walk around spiritually dead and defeated.  Well I demand a recount and want to know who poohed in my pie!

 Why is it that we accept and believe so many biblical truths and still struggle with sin and defeat? Jesus died on the cross for our sins and we constantly reclaim them and oftentimes wallow in them. What is it about us that makes it so easy to live a life of misery and despair, because that is what living in sin is,  and not cling to what we know to be true?

Why is it that something freely given, the gift of salvation, is so hard to receive?  Are we so proud?
It's like having a birthday and expecting all the attention and gifts that go along with the celebration and then hating yourself for wanting the attention and gifts.  Let's take it one step further and pretend you have a particular gift in mind that you are hoping to receive.  You drop hints about it. You have priced it and know how costly it is but it's your birthday and you are expectantly not expecting it.  The big day comes and, lucky you, someone purchases it for you and gives it to you for your special day.  Instead of accepting it graciously you tell the person "oh, you shouldn't have this is much too costly and I cannot accept this".  It does not change the fact that the gift was still purchased!

By dying on the cross Jesus purchased our salvation, our freedom; our victory. And here we are saying "oh, you shouldn't have, that's way too costly" and choose instead to live defeated lives.  The purchase was final.  There is no exchange or return.  One must either accept the gift or decline it.  The gift remains, for a limited time only, until you are ready to receive it.

I wonder who it was that coined the phrase "guilty pleasure".  If you enjoy chocolate pie then by all means enjoy it.  Do not start counting the calories and figuring out how you are going to work them off.  By the time you figure everything out there is no enjoyment to be had and there may as well be pooh in the pie!  

We should not feel guilty about the pleasure of knowing Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. It is a gift we should accept graciously with humility and thanksgiving.  We should live victoriously and celebrate the priceless gift we have been given! How dare we let the circumstances and challenges of world be the pooh in our pie.  Now, ain't life sweet?

Suggested reading 1 Corinthians Chapter 15, Ephesians 2:8

Crease and Increase

How odd that today I woke up given the phrase "You're the crease and I am the increase".  What does that mean?  I somewhat understand increase.  Bring it on, right, but crease?  Crease is that razor sharp line I used to spend hours trying to put in all my pants without creating a double crease.  Emphasis on used to.  These days I just throw on a pair of pants hoping the wrinkles will fall out on their own. Most times it doesn't work.  But I digress.

 I decided to access a handy-dandy online dictionary.  Merriam-Webster.com is my go to website and it did not disappoint this time either.  The first definition listed for crease was exactly what I was looking for:  a line, mark, or ridge made by or as if by folding a pliable substance.  Perhaps I didn't know the definition of crease after all but lately I have been feeling like a pliable substance.  I am the pliable substance being folded to God's will.  Not just me but my faith too.  Hebrews 11:1 states Faith is the substance [pliable!] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Since I have started this journey there has been an unseen force shaping and molding me and my faith.  It is straightening out the wrinkles resistant to falling out on their own.  I and my faith are becoming razor sharp through the tutelage of the Holy Spirit and God's word.

 By no means is it an easy process, just a necessary one.  Quite frankly, I do not know what it means to complete this "process' or if there is an end to it.  Perhaps it's completion is the fulfillment of the purpose God has for me.  Then I'll be called home having finished a well done job.  What I know is that as I am being "creased" there are age appropriate assignments I am being given.  By age appropriate I mean based on my spiritual maturity.  When it's said that God meets you where you are He does just that and uses you accordingly as long as you're a willing vessel. He is using me while patiently (longsuffering) ironing out the wrinkles.

 It often feels like a steam press but it's all for his glory.  I can't wait to get to the finish line and hear my Father say "look what I've done with you and through you" after the crease has been set.  I want to thank Him even though, being His spiritual child, it feels like the whippings I used to get from my natural parents!  I pout but understand that it is all part of learning and the spiritual maturation process.  Besides, righteously dispensed discipline does wonders to increase knowledge, understanding , and wisdom.

There are days when I feel like I am literally getting the ego beat out of me.  Yet another necessity if I am to walk the walk of faith.  God is the increase therefore I must decrease.  So, if you are reading between the lines, yes, I have a propensity for being strong willed.  Being strong willed, self-willed, rather  is contrary to performing God's will.  Did I mention God being longsuffering?

What does any of this have to do with increase?  Good question.  I looked that up too!  As a transitive verb Merriam-Webster defines it as such  to become progressively greater (as in size, amount, number, or intensity).  As a transitive verb the definition is to make greater:augment.  If I could describe to you what it feels like when God reveals more of himself, or yourself, showing the intentions he has towards you and for you... I am going to check with Merriam-Webster to see if they exist because right now I am at a loss.

He is patiently working the pliable substance that is me and my faith forming a straight line, my path.  As He works his work in me my faith and I are progressively becoming greater.  He is constantly augmenting me; shaping me into His image. You're the crease. He is the increase! 

Suggested reading Hebrews 11:1, Malachi 3:3, Job 8:7, 12:23, Psalms 71:21, 105:24, Proverbs 1:5, 9:9, 9:11

How Great: Talking to Myself

Oh, great. I finally get a chance to sleep in and I awaken at 6:30a.m. on a Saturday morning!  It's been a long week and I am tired.  I was really looking forward to catching up on some much needed rest.  Some part of my brain was saying never mind the fact that you are lucky to be alive, blessed actually. 

The bigger part of my brain was pouting like a six year old demanding more sleep.  In the midst of the battle my brain was waging against itself, good to be awake so early versus not so good to be awake so doggone early, there was yet another, quieter, part of my brain that was thinking what to post in the prayer group this morning.  Why am I up so early?  You need to go to the farmer's market early and see if they have fresh beets.  You can use the NutriBullet you just got and start Terri Jordan's cleansing/juicing diet for real this time.  Which farmer's market, Pomona or the one at Mt.SAC? Pomona is much closer.  Got to go to the ATM remember you left cash in your lab coat pocket at work yesterday. Prayer group post.  When was the last time you posted for the blog? Why am I awake again?  Prayer group! Check on Facebook to see if anyone has posted yet... Shush brain, let me think!

(The still small voice: "count your blessings").  Alright,  I will post about blessings. I believe it will start like "In the midst of struggle or conflict we have the most difficulty counting blessings.  We tend to get overly consumed with fret and worry that we overlook the small signals God sends, blessings, to let us know that He is there but we still need to get through the particular circumstance we are going through." Well... ok but lame.  What scripture will you include? Why am I awake again?

(Joseph.) What? JOSEPH.  Talk about Joseph.  Joseph's brothers turned against him and sold him into slavery but his situation did not change him.  He stayed true to himself and faithful to the Lord while in captivity.  He rose above his circumstance and was given a position of authority in the realm of his captor. He endures and is blessed.  He then not only blesses his brothers but an entire nation all while, technically, being in bondage!  How in the world does that make sense?  How is my life like Joseph's?  Wow!  Thank you, Holy Spirit for your revelation and for bringing to remembrance the Word that is in me.  How great You are for waking me up this morning!

Suggested reading:The story of Joseph in Genesis, Genesis 39:5

Praiseworthy

How faithful we are patiently waiting for God to open the windows of heaven to pour out blessings.  We are patient and longsuffering to be overtaken with blessings.  Our expectations are great yet our offerings are meek and humble.  I understand the Bible speaks about being humble and the meek shall inhabit the earth but what has that to do with what we give God?  Have you not heard the Lord loves a cheerful giver or you will reap what you sow?  We serve a great God and He is worthy of great praise!

When the Israelites praised God they went all out and PRAISED God.  Some people go to church and barely clap their hands during worship service or hardly acknowledge when they do receive a blessing.  In James 1:17 it is written: Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  WE OUGHT TO GIVE GOD PRAISE! He is surely praiseworthy.  Instead we are meek and humble when it comes to expressing our love towards God.  Perhaps it is the fear of letting people know how much we actually do love God lest we are labeled as a "Jesus Freak" or something when we are in public.  In church perhaps it is the fear of having someone think we are faking or clamoring for attention as the reason why we do not openly praise God as we should.  So we just stand there being cool.  What if God was meek and humble when it comes to blessing his people?  How chillax do you want God to be when you are in desperate need for healing?  Can you imagine a reserved God?  Our God works wonders and performs miracles! There's no subtlety in that so don't be subtle with your praise or your offerings for that matter.  PRAISE Him. WORSHIP Him. Honor Him, LOVE Him and by all means don't be meek about it.

Suggested reading: Ex 32:18, 1 Sam 4:6, 1 Chron 15:28, Psalms 33:3, 66:1, 81:1,
Psalms 95:1-2, 98: 4,6; Mal 3:10, Deut 28:2


1 Chron 5:13-14 It came even to pass, as the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the LORD; and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of musick, and praised the LORD, saying, For he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever: that then the house was filled with a cloud, even the house of the LORD; So that the priests could not stand to minister by reason of the cloud: for the glory of the LORD had filled the house of God.

It's In Your Prays

   I am hard pressed to think of anything more important than an open communication line between oneself and God.  As much as I'd like to think I have a good relationship with God I really do not.  There are moments when I feel genuinely connected to and inspired by the Holy Spirit, however,  they are but moments.  My goal is to have a David-type of relationship with God.  Moments are not enough; I want more and better.

   You know how someone can be described as being in the moment? Well I wish to stay in that [spiritual] moment.  Does that makes sense?  There is not a time when the Lord is not on my mind in some way, shape or form.  I usually wake up in the morning thinking of how I might I serve Him or wonder what situation will present itself that I can use for the advantage of God's kingdom to spread the Good News.  Yet I feel like something is missing.  It is too easy to be outside of those "moments".  I've just about narrowed it down to my prays.  (Miss-spelling intended!) 

   Prays is your praise.  Or praise is your prays.  However you want to say it they are interchangeable, I think, and you cannot have one without the other.  I use the word prays as opposed to prayers because, to me, prayers can easily become rote recitations whereas prays show action and relationship.  When one prays it is a form of praise that shows God's position in your life is one of importance.  It shows that you consider Him and you value your relationship with Him.  Prays builds trust.  Praise builds trust. 

As you trust Him more He will trust you more. Your "prayers' will no longer be recitations but praise and conversations.  As your prays grow and develop so, too, will your praise.  He is listening.   Prays develops your ear for God and causes you to act on His word. The revelations He has specifically for you enable you to live by His word through an activated indwelling Holy Spirit.  Oh, there is much to praise him for!  

  If you find yourself lacking in power or authority over your circumstances increase your praise.  If you find yourself lacking in power or authority over your circumstances increase your prays.  Stay in the moment!

Suggested reading: James 5:13, Phil 4:6, Col 4:2, 1 Thes 5:17, Isaiah 65:24, Psalms 150:6, 22:3, 32:6, Psalms 55:17, 66:19-20, 67:3-5, Luke 21:36

Spin City

It is not uncommon for a biblical principle to be given a worldly re-characterization or connotation.  For example "what goes around comes around" or "whatever you put into the universe will return to you", or karma. We as believers understand that there is power in the tongue.  With our words and through our faith in Christ Jesus we can speak healing and/or authority over certain situations.  But what happens when we are out of order and curse someone?  What about gossip?


 In the Bible there are many scriptures that warn against gossip.  Not only is it hurtful to the one it is perpetrated against but it but it can be detrimental to own soul.  Proverbs 21:23 succinctly states: "whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles".  That scripture alone should make those with a burning desire to "tell it like it is" reconsider.  And yes, I am preaching to myself with that one.  The need to gossip or, better yet,  attack another person's character is frequently nothing more than a ruse to cover up personal offenses.  It is a diversion.  Look at that person instead of me.  Let's point out that person's faults rather than seek the Lord to help me deal with our own. 
Join me in my misery; I could use the company.


Gossip is a sign of being out of order.  It is devilish and yet another gateway that leads to a downward spiral of sin lest you repent.  Many things done or said happen because they are thought to occur in secret.  Believe you me there are no secrets either worldly or spiritually.  God searches the heart: Psalms 7:9 Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Not to mention the devil who is constantly seeking whom to devour next.  Loose yourself from offenses and their propensity to lead to gossip.  Tell the devil you're not such easy pray and to keep it moving.


Suggested reading: 1 Cor 4:14, 1Peter 5:8, Job 1:7, Luke 17:1, Psa 101:5, Pro 10:18-20, Eccl 10:20, 1 Cor 4:14

As for me and my house...

Josh 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. 24:16 And the people answered and said, God forbid that we should forsake the LORD, to serve other gods; 24:17 For the LORD our God, he it is that brought us up and our fathers out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage, and which did those great signs in our sight, and preserved us in all the way wherein we went, and among all the people through whom we passed: 24:18 And the LORD drave out from before us all the people, even the Amorites which dwelt in the land: therefore will we also serve the LORD; for he is our God.

Lord I thank you for all you have done for me including freeing me from the house of bondage, my own self. Guide my path and manifest in me the ability to serve you better that I may be an example to others to do likewise. Help me reach those you care for and love so dearly to put You first in all things. Cleanse my heart so that it is Your will I operate under and not my own. I ask of you forgiveness and mercy for my sins, known and unknown. I humbly serve you and place no one or no thing before you. I also ask of You for healing for the members of this group and their families be it spiritual or physical. Work miracles in all our lives. I honor you and praise You. InJesus' mighty name I pray, amen.

Still Here!

One thing I must say about this journey of being led by the Holy Spirit is that the more I get to know the Lord the more I get to know myself. As He reveals Himself He also opens my eyes to show me more about myself. Lately I've been going through a conviction/correction phase. Which is a good thing. It's just not an easy thing. It's a phase I seem to be repeating actually. And so they say deliverance is a process. As I am delivered from one thing there is another to be corrected. When I was a child, before I got spanked by my dad, he would preface the beat-down with "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you". If only that were true I would think to myself. Actually I would think worse things, let's just keep it one hundred! But you get the point. These days I imagine how it must feel to the Lord watching me do things that separate me from Him. Things like sin. I'm talking I'm a big ol' filthy sinner. So filthy, oftentimes, I know well in advance what I am about to do is wrong but there I go anyway. Feet first into a steaming heap of sin. Be it my thoughts, words or actions I'm generally up to no good. Actually with me it's usually mouth first- my words are what get me. Lord, help me the spirit is willing but the flesh, well, it's still flesh. Rather, my mouth is still my mouth and I talk a lot of smack. Speaking of g.i.g.o.! I am working towards being less that way. It is frustrating that I can't just say boom, I'm saved and I will sin no more! That would be heaven, indeed. I recognize the things I do, now, and the conviction hits me. Conviction, by the way, is no good without repentance. Therefore, I have been quite busy repenting of some thangs. Why is all this, this, stuff necessary? The answer is quite simple. I want the Lord to dwell in me. Only if He is in me can His will be done. The Lord and sin cannot dwell together. What's more is it breaks the line of communication between the two of us affecting my prayer life. Isaiah 59:1-2 says it best Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened , that it cannot save ; neither his ear heavy , that it cannot hear : But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear . 'Nuff said. My goal is to stay in God's face, not have him hide his and turn a deaf ear to y prayers. So, when you start feeling convicted about something that's a GOOD thing. It gives a whole new meaning to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Conviction brings about the opportunity for correction which is a sign of love. Parents correct their children out of love. It is the same with God. He corrects you not to make you feel badly about yourself. He corrects you because he loves you. Have you ever had something on your face, unbeknownst to you, and you were walking around with that something on your face and by chance you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror? Your first response after how long has THAT been hanging out there is why didn't anyone care enough to tell me. You then rationalize the situation by saying to yourself maybe they were afraid to say something because it is an awkward subject to broach. Better to let that person walk around with that thing hanging and hope they notice it on their own; sooner rather than later. But what if it goes unnoticed or worse yet ignored. When your in the midst of doing your thing, your thing being sin. Sometimes you don't recognize it. A person really does need to hear someone say, hey, take care of that thing on your face, that sin. I admit I got sidetracked but that's what conviction is. It is the Lord's way of telling you there's some business that needs to be taken of. So, I'm still here. I was just taking care of some business. Suggested reading: Proverbs 3:11-12, Proverbs 12:1, 15; Proverbs 8:10, 33; Proverbs 9:8, Proverbs 20:30, Job 5:7, Revelations 3:19,

Like a Wildfire

Sometimes I say (or write) something and for some reason what I said just lingers and doesn't go away. Those are the times when I wish I had just spit the words out and could be done with them already. But, no, it must but the Holy Spirit tugging at me. If you've had that kind of experience with the Holy Spirit then you know what I mean. So here goes. When you start a blog on this site it asks you to write a profile. I did that. No biggie. In it I mentioned something about spreading the gospel. Major biggie! Those words haven't left me since I diligently pecked them out on the keyboard about two weeks ago. What does it mean to spread the gospel? Heck if I know! I mean, really. How does one spread the gospel and why do I think I've been assigned to do such a thing. I don't know, for sure, that it is my assignment but I can't help myself or keep myself from doing what this is I am doing. I am one of those types of persons that if I had something good I would share it. Doesn't matter what it is. I just share. I'm not a small person by no means. I admit I like food. Did I say like? I meant love. If I come across something good I say to my family oh my goodness you've got to taste this. My son is my usual guinea pig. We've shared some good, fun moments over me sharing food. Most recently at Trader Joe's sampling Cookie Butter. I tried a sample of the spread on a slice of apple and thought it was the best thing ever. I must have spent about ten minutes trying to convince my son to try it. Cookie Butter. Cookie Butter? finally he relented and asked for a sample. If you could have seen the look on his face after he tasted it and discovered that he liked it. After that taste he was the one who suggested we purchase a jar. We were a pair of giggling fools looking for the stuff. Anyway, I think that is how the gospel is spread, by taste. I couldn't tell my son how good that Cookie Butter was. I mean it sounds awful. How does it sound when someone tells you about God or Christianity? It sounds like a lot of hard work! It sounds like giving up fun. It sounds like living the the life of a Quaker or an Amish person. It sounds like knocking on doors to hand out pamphlets early weekend mornings and knowing people are in the house hiding from you. It sounds like here comes so and so with all that holy roller business and I know what so and so used to do before they got all sanctified and stuff. That's what it sounds like. So back to spreading the gospel. People see the Christ in you and then want a taste. Your life, that taste, is what spreads the gospel. That's my thought anyway. I don't have to go door to door. (But I will if the Lord guides me to do so- don't get me wrong.) As a believer you are the pamphlet. Simply continue living your life but now live it as if you have tasted something good. If you think you will give something up, trust me, you will. The Lord restores it! You literally have nothing to lose and a whole new life in Christ Jesus to gain. I'm just saying. Taste the Lord and see how much giggling you do when you discover how good He is. How about an all out belly laugh when He delivers you from a vice you couldn't shake on your own? Just a taste. I dare you. Watch, then , how the gospel spreads like a wildfire. Suggested reading: Psalm 34:8, 1 Corinthians Chapter 9 1 Cor 9:19 For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

Here Am I

I woke up this morning with the phrase: Stay in God's face.( Stay in his remembrance. Be the shewbread. ) How to make oneself available to Him was also on my mind this morning. I also recalled a dream I had some ten years ago. Maybe not exactly ten but it's been a while. Six maybe? In the dream I was walking down a long corridor with doors on either side. All of the doors were closed and there were some I checked to see if they were unlocked. None were so I continued walking up the corridor until I came to a room with an open door. I didn't cross the threshold of that room. Although it had the appearance of a social event, I knew everyone in it was dead. I stood there at the threshold looking in. The room was fairly crowded but not overly so. In it we're celebrities I recognized. One of whom I still remember from the dream. And I must say I am no longer a fan of his. There were three people facing me. Two were seated. One of whom I didn't know was seated to the left. Another, seated in the middle, was a family friend that passed away. The third person was standing to the left of the person I knew. He is a family friend and a relative of the person I knew. He is very much alive outside of the dream world. The seated friend smiled at me and somehow communicated to me that I should not enter the room. A room full of dead people? You got that right! Surely I wasn't going in there! Funny, though, I wasn’t afraid. I was, however, concerned for the friend that was standing inside the room. I've known him, them, since my childhood. At the time I had that dream I was carpooling with the gentleman's (living one) niece. The next time I saw her I asked about her uncle. She told me she didn't stay in contact with him directly but one of her sisters did. According to her sister he was still crazy as ever going back and forth to jail. Finding it odd that I asked about him she wanted to know what was up. I didn't want to tell her about the dream for fear I'd sound like a kook. (As if it was a first, sheesh) That and the fact her deceased brother was in it and I didn't know how she would handle that part. I told her anyway and we were both dumbstruck by the dream. A short time after that when we were carpooling again she told me she had seen her uncle and told him about the dream I had. She said "you're not going to believe this". I about lost it when she said he told her that he recently had a similar dream. By recently it was about the same time I had mine. Do I need to say that both of us dreamers caught the next thing smoking to church? I've had dreams and I've had dreams. The fact that the two of us shared the same dream motivated me to get my hide into church- real quick like. I took him with me, too! And there I was rejoining the members of my brothers church whom I hadn't seen in a long time. Loooong time. What brings you back? I had this dream blah blah blah I think the Lord has called me and I'm saving thing this man's soul...well I'm bringing him here for you to save it because I don't know what to do about this dream I had. The Lord’s calling me. THE LORD’S CALLING ME!! That's not quite how it went down but close enough. So close that I so overwhelmed myself with the idea that the Lord was calling me into service. I was a pious, fervent church goer for about two services, if that many. But that one service, though! I was a certified saint. I stopped going to my brothers church feeling like an idiot after proclaiming my solemn oath of being called. Being called, not answering the call. As my son would say, what a derp. I got the call again and that time I contacted a pastor friend of mine to ask his thoughts of getting and answering the call. Basically I was thinking about thinking about the call. I thought about the responsibility of saving people's souls and traveling to foreign countries to convert the masses. I thought about seminary school. After I researched the cost of seminary school I stopped thinking about seminary school... So I did nothing. Again. Hello? Hi, may I speak to Brenda, please. Speaking. Who is this? This is the Lord, thy God. Sorry, I meant to say this is her sister. She's not here right now. May I take a message? What's your number? Ok, got it. I'll have her call you as soon as she wakes up. I mean comes back. Fast forward to a year and a half ago on a Sunday morning. I was awakened by the phone ringing. It was my dad asking if I would go to church with him. I said yes. Are you kidding, that's my dad! Of course, I would go. Being a daddy's girl and all. He drove from Carson, Ca. to pick me up and take me to a church in Pomona a five minute drive from my house. Ask me how that makes sense. I will tell you I don’t know but I have been attending that same church ever since. I answered my father's call. AND my Father's call. No dream, no discussions, no seminary plans. Just me being available when the Lord said it’s time. I lost contact with the friend when we stopped carpooling together. The last time I talked to her she told me that her uncle had gotten his life together. He was attendung church regularly and working a steady job. I know I didn't save his soul. God did that. He saved both of us. After all that the only thing I needed to do was say yes, Lord. Here am I. Do as you will through me. Suggested reading 1 Samuel 3:1-11,

Transit Authority

I think it’s a well known fact that, on weekdays, I take the bus to work. Well if it wasn’t well known before it is now. Over the years I’ve gotten to know some really good people and some really strange ones. Really strange. That sounds like judgment, right? Let’s say I’ve met some interesting people. There are two that are most striking. One I had become quite fond of and consider family. The other I was happy wasn’t family and wouldn‘t dare give it a thought to pretend like he was. One I just lost touch with . The other I avoid like the plague. I ran into both of them this week courtesy of the Transit Authority. Bring on the conviction. (Although I didn’t know at the time that was what was happening. I simply knew something strange was going on)

The first person I saw was on Tuesday. I report to work late on Tuesdays and last Tuesday I arrived to downtown Riverside, Ca. with extra time on my hands. Instead of taking my usual connection (crowded) I opted for a less crowded alternative. About halfway to my destination my friend boards the bus and sits next to me. Naturally we catch up on the things that have happened to us since we last saw each other. I begin to feel like a steaming pile when she tells me that she had at one point been in the hospital for an illness and had no one to list as her next of kin. Since she hadn’t been able to reach me she listed her landlord as next of kin. Nice, Brenda. Welcome to Turdville.

 She also told me that she had moved from her old apartment and happily moved into another and was enjoying the peace and safety of a new environment. She told me about how the Lord had blessed her with an apartment in a senior complex with amenities such as a Jacuzzi, recreation room, etc. She also didn’t have to pay utilities and the rent was half the cost of the old apartment that offered nothing but sleepless nights from it being in one of Riverside’s not so nice neighborhoods. God is good and blessing his people, for sure. Since we were disembarking at the same location and I still had time on my hands I joined her in running a few errands. It was an enjoyable start to the morning even though I couldn’t quite shake this “feeling” that was hanging around. I suppose that feeling was stuff on my shoes from Turdville.

Then there was Thursday. After an uneventful but still long day at work I boarded the express limo headed for Montclair. I didn’t notice him at first but he surely noticed me, Son of a Debbie! There he is and he’s talking to me. At first I was unable to give him my full attention because my mind is replaying the voice of another rider talking about how Mr. Avoid Like the Plague is when he’s not taking his medication. I want to quiet that voice and pay attention to the person talking to me but my own voice joins in agreement that this dude is definitely off his meds. Guess who needs meds now? When I do listen I realize that he is troubled. He talks about being misunderstood because he acts and thinks differently than most people. He expresses how it feels knowing that people don’t like him and often either roll their eyes at him when he talks or become hostile towards him. He talks about the anger he has at times and realizes it originates from sadness. All the while I kept thinking I was one of those people.

 I was never rude or disrespectful towards him but I did think his New Age hocus pocus was for the birds. I still do but I felt compassion for him and didn’t like the fact that he was feeling down because of the way people treated him. The thought that I may have been one of them… back to Turdville. But not for long. I don’t ever want to go there again. That feeling I had wasn’t something that was stuck to the bottom of my shoes. No, it was some inside mess and the Holy Spirit doing some cleanup, rather, some convicting. I understand that if the Lord is going to dwell in me He is going to do some housecleaning. They say that the Lord will reach you right where you’re at. I spend a good amount of time on the city limo and the Transit Authority, aka the Holy Spirit, not one to miss an opportunity, sent two messengers to give me a peak at what He’s finding as He cleans me up. Thank you, Jesus, for caring so much about me to heal and cleanse me from the inside out! Suggested reading Matthew 18:33, 25:4; Mark 6:34, 2Timothy 3:16-17

Thy Will Be DOne

DO Your will, Lord. I've been thinking a lot, lately, about what's called The Lord's Prayer. Today it's the 'thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" part. I can't lie. I want to skip right to the heaven part and not have His will be done on earth. Wait, that's not true. I do wish for His will to be done here on earth. Let me back up and say this, I realize it takes some effort on my part to have the Lord's will be done here on earth. Being human, I'd like to get to the good part already and not deal with, well, my human-ness(yes, I like to make up words). In heaven it's praise, worship and being surrounded in God's glory. There we enter the fullness of God's rest. The works, His and yours, or His and mine, have been completed, right? How do I get to the my works are done part on earth? Does that make sense? How do I suppress my will here on earth and allow His will to be done? There is not one moment or one situation where a person isn't encouraged or bombarded with advertising to take matters into their own hands. Self-help this or D.I.Y. that. Self assurance, self-reliance, self-confidence, the list goes on and on. How does all that programming, for lack of a better word, leave opening for God's will to be done here on earth? Do you not feel less than a woman or less than a man if you don't take matters into your own hands? You can't rely on your neighbor so how can you rely on God? Faith. Have faith and let His will be done. Have faith and rely on Him. Another phrase that has been popping into my head lately is "if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger". If that's not one of the biggest crocks of bull I've ever heard. If it didn't kill you then I'm willing to bet it left you battered, wounded and probably wishing it had been a hasty death. Where's the strength in that? There you are getting stronger exercising your own free will and getting whipped every time. NOW it's Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, amen. Lord, I just got whipped and if it be Your will please help me. Oh, in Jesus' name, amen. Really, Lord, help us. Help me. Help me pick up the cross daily. Lord, I accept you as my savior, I welcomed You into my heart knowing that You died on the cross for my sins and rose again. Just as you live I now live. Manifest in me your will. I surrender to it. Truly, the works here on earth yet to be done I am incapable of doing in my own strength regardless of all the self-help material available to me. The only availability that matters is me to you. Let me step outside of myself and let You do what needs to be done through me. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. All to God's glory. In Jesus' name, Amen. Suggested reading Matthew 6:10;16:24, Romans 12-2; 9:16-17, Titus 3:5, Psalms 51:12, Galatians 2:20, I Timothy 1:12

G.I.G.O.

Garbage in garbage out. So the saying goes. So went my breakfast this morning putting me out of commission and unable to complete a post sooner. Not one to be totally shutdown by such a silly thing as an upset stomach or unable to find a lesson in it, here it is: things like bad doctrine, bad or hurtful people, negativity or anything not uplifting shouldn't sit on your stomach and be allowed to digest. They should be immediately purged from your system. Gone, goodbye and good riddance. Those things are like being slowly poisoned. they don't make you die right away; just make you sicker and sicker. Before long you become so toxic you begin to spread the poison to someone else. Don't let the cycle continue. PURGE. Purge I say! Yes, it's gut wrenching. Yes, it stinks. It will wear you down and make you feel like you've been hit by a Mack truck. But what does it feel like holding it in? Yep, that's what I thought. Get rid of it. Toxic friends? Gone. Gossip? Gone. Self-doubt, Gone! Worry, fear, sadness. Throw it all up. Hurl-lurl-lurl as my son would say. How's that for a diet plan? Binge and purge. We've been binging non-stop on things that weigh us down and make us spiritually sick. Let it go love. B-bye! Suggested reading: Luke 6:45, Matthew 12:34-37

Do you like me? Yes or No

In my profile it states that I rededicated (the best Christian-ese word I could think of) my life to Jesus Christ about a year ago as if it were a planned, conscious decision.  What had happened was (smiles) the Holy Spirit said to me "it's time" and I responded "uh, OK?"  So goes my re-dedication.  It was my time.  And it was the beginning of my submission to Jesus Christ.

Do you remember back when you were young, those long, long ago days?  For those of you like me woefully long ago (smiles again),  you liked someone or someone liked you and one of you passed a note to the other: Do you like me?  yes or no.  Circle the appropriate response and pass the note back.  Or better yet you would hit the person you liked and then run away rather than talk and let your feelings be known.  That's what my relationship with Christ was like until now.  Jesus passed me a note I circled yes and was baptized at the age of nine. Throughout the years He kept passing me that same note.  Sometimes I would circle yes.  Other times I would circle no, depending on how I was living my life at that time.  There were times I would circle both yes and no.  I would hit Him then run away. At one point I ran so far away I didn't want Him to see how I was.

In April of 1992 on or about the 16th I checked in to Maine Medical Center, a labor room to be exact, expecting to deliver a son.  I did, but someone else was born that day, me.  Spiritually speaking, that is.
On the night I checked in my personal obstetrician was not on duty neither was he on call.  Lucky me.   I was assigned to someone I had never laid eyes on before or met.  Terrific.  More like terror, though really. So there I was with this total stranger checking my, um, innermost parts.  Yes, that's it... He, rather they were checking my innermost parts.  Of course, there was also a nurse whom I had also never before seen.  Welcome!  The more the merrier, right? Why not have more people take a look-see and, please, let them all be strangers!  Yes, it was a party at my place, but I digress.
 I remember thinking at the time, somewhere between those stupid Lamaze breathing exercises and the really stupid contractions, that what I previously thought was important, like appearance, for example, didn't really matter.  Trust and believe I looked like a mess on the outside at that time,  but neither the doctor nor the nurse cared.  They just wanted to get what was inside of me out.  Albeit not more than I did. 

I labored for many years passing notes back and forth to Jesus.  Finally He, The Doctor,  and His Nurse, the Holy Spirit,  realized I was due.  They didn't care what I looked like on the outside, it was all lies anyway;  smoke and mirrors  It was time for me to be delivered from all the stuff I had on the inside.  Based on the experience I had in the delivery room way back when I didn't care what I looked like on the outside.  I was ready to be delivered.  No more passing notes.  No more hitting and then running away from Him.  It was time to walk with Him and get to know Him.

Suggested reading Revelation 3:20

  

Lean On Me

This morning I was having a textversation (my own word) with a friend about Abraham and Sarah.  I initiated this particular textversation to follow up an actual phone conversation we had last night, a conversation which still lingers on my mind.  What better way to "voice" my opinion without interruption than to text?  Don't hate the method! Does it not say in Matthew Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves? (10:16)  I was being wise as a serpent in an effort to get my two cents in, OK?  

We never came to an agreement on the initial matter, adultery.  In fact the textversation devolved into something entirely different.  It became a contest, of sorts, about who reads what and how much of it.  In the end it was suggested that I do some research and was told "lean not unto your own understanding".  What the what what? I responded with two questions although more were in the works.  The first was "am I not supposed to read for my own revelation?".  The second was "am I supposed to lean on your understanding?".  Had I been astute I would have text-ed to him the ENTIRE scripture from which he was quoting: "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding"  Proverbs 3:5.  That would have shut it down!  Trust in the LORD, Halleluiah, not man's understanding.

Truth be told I do not know who was leaning more between the two of us.  And it all seems rather silly now.  Each of us, really,  was trying to prove one was more knowledgeable than the other, or, rather,  had a better understanding of the word.  Had it been a real battle of who knows scripture better goodness knows I would have lost because I have a terrible memory.  He, on the other hand, is well versed.  

Bottom line is none of the textversation was uplifting and none of it glorified God. We were both lacking in understanding.  There are standard interpretations of scripture that can be found everywhere.   However, I do believe the word is revealed to each person differently.  What does the word mean to you?  How does it apply to your life?  Even better how do you apply it to your life? Hopefully not to challenge someone else but to uplift someone.

Suggested scripture Proverbs 4:4,  28:26, Luke 4:4

Waiting

Saturday I had this grand plan to head out to the Fashion District in downtown Los Angeles with my daughter via the Metrolink.  Included in this plan was to meet my father at Union Station who was going to drive and serve as guide/scout for dress shops.  We were scheduled to meet at 3:00pm and be on our merry way.

My daughter and I arrived a bit ahead of schedule and grabbed a quick bite to eat from a sandwich shop and waited for my dad to show up.  We waited. And waited. Then waited some more.  It was a sunny LA day so the heat was on!  By the time we grew weary of waiting it was only 3:28pm but it felt like forever o'clock.   I had guessed he was stuck in traffic but then was fearful he had found something else better to do and blew us off.  The latter is totally uncharacteristic for my dad nevertheless I lost faith and gave up on him.

Being me, I decided to proceed without my dad's assistance assured that I could find my way around because, shoot, it was my will to do so.  So, by gosh, proceed I did!  I asked a security guard for directions and rushed my daughter off to the Metro Red Line heading to the Fashion District.  I saved the day!
After disembarking from the train at 7th Street as directed I was excited to finally start our planned day of Prom dress shopping.  To be sure of which way to go I asked a Metro information person which way to get to the Fashion District from where we were.  He said we need to go back to Union Station and catch a bus.  The heck I will!  Go BACK to where we started?  Being me, I thanked the gentleman and told him we would go upstairs to grab something to eat.  Yes-sir-ee, I did.  That guy was wrong and probably should be retired from his position! Being me I thought that fool must be crazy.  I was wise in my own eyes.

Leading the charge I grab my daughter by the hand and we head upstairs to start what has now become an adventure.  At about 4:00 pm I get a call from my dad asking where we were.  He said that he arrived at Union Station at 3:30 and had been waiting for us since then.  He apologized for being delayed and said he would then meet us where we were. (Had I listened to the Metro gentleman I would have returned to Union Station to find my father waiting for me)  I told him we were at the intersection of  7th and Figueroa and we would wait for him there. So we waited. And waited.  Then went to Starbucks and waited. And waited some more.  In the mean time the Dash E headed to the Fashion District passed us up twice.  So once again I lead the charge and my daughter and I race to the Dash bus stop.  We were no longer waiting for my father, we were waiting on what would hopefully come sooner.    So we waited.  No longer excited; we become tired of waiting and discouragement begins to settle in.  After a little while my daughter is ready to go home but I want to hold out for a few minutes longer.  Finally I concede to give up and then  my daughter says "there's Papa!  I must not have understood what she said because she then pointed to the direction from where my father was walking to meet us.  Yes, there he was!  Twice he had been delayed in traffic but,  still, he showed up.  After all the waiting he served as our guide through the Fashion District as he had promised. In addition to that, he took us to The Grove where apparently, according to my daughter, they have the best Forever 21 ever.  He then treated us to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.  The best part, for me, was spending time with my father.  Something I would have missed out on if I had given up on him.

That's how it is with our Heavenly Father.  He dispatches His angels to bless us but oftentimes we give up waiting and narrowly miss our blessings.  Do not give up on the Lord.  He will never forsake you.

Suggested reading Daniel 10:10-13

Welcome to Compass My Path!

Psalms 139:3 (KJV)

Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

Yes, the Lord truly knows all my ways and has provided me with another means of expression.  The purpose of this blog is to document the journey and my way closer to the Lord.  In so doing I hope to bring you closer to Him as well.   The path is narrow but there is room for everyone.
To God be the glory in all things! 
brenda