As for me and my house...

Josh 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. 24:16 And the people answered and said, God forbid that we should forsake the LORD, to serve other gods; 24:17 For the LORD our God, he it is that brought us up and our fathers out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage, and which did those great signs in our sight, and preserved us in all the way wherein we went, and among all the people through whom we passed: 24:18 And the LORD drave out from before us all the people, even the Amorites which dwelt in the land: therefore will we also serve the LORD; for he is our God.

Lord I thank you for all you have done for me including freeing me from the house of bondage, my own self. Guide my path and manifest in me the ability to serve you better that I may be an example to others to do likewise. Help me reach those you care for and love so dearly to put You first in all things. Cleanse my heart so that it is Your will I operate under and not my own. I ask of you forgiveness and mercy for my sins, known and unknown. I humbly serve you and place no one or no thing before you. I also ask of You for healing for the members of this group and their families be it spiritual or physical. Work miracles in all our lives. I honor you and praise You. InJesus' mighty name I pray, amen.

Still Here!

One thing I must say about this journey of being led by the Holy Spirit is that the more I get to know the Lord the more I get to know myself. As He reveals Himself He also opens my eyes to show me more about myself. Lately I've been going through a conviction/correction phase. Which is a good thing. It's just not an easy thing. It's a phase I seem to be repeating actually. And so they say deliverance is a process. As I am delivered from one thing there is another to be corrected. When I was a child, before I got spanked by my dad, he would preface the beat-down with "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you". If only that were true I would think to myself. Actually I would think worse things, let's just keep it one hundred! But you get the point. These days I imagine how it must feel to the Lord watching me do things that separate me from Him. Things like sin. I'm talking I'm a big ol' filthy sinner. So filthy, oftentimes, I know well in advance what I am about to do is wrong but there I go anyway. Feet first into a steaming heap of sin. Be it my thoughts, words or actions I'm generally up to no good. Actually with me it's usually mouth first- my words are what get me. Lord, help me the spirit is willing but the flesh, well, it's still flesh. Rather, my mouth is still my mouth and I talk a lot of smack. Speaking of g.i.g.o.! I am working towards being less that way. It is frustrating that I can't just say boom, I'm saved and I will sin no more! That would be heaven, indeed. I recognize the things I do, now, and the conviction hits me. Conviction, by the way, is no good without repentance. Therefore, I have been quite busy repenting of some thangs. Why is all this, this, stuff necessary? The answer is quite simple. I want the Lord to dwell in me. Only if He is in me can His will be done. The Lord and sin cannot dwell together. What's more is it breaks the line of communication between the two of us affecting my prayer life. Isaiah 59:1-2 says it best Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened , that it cannot save ; neither his ear heavy , that it cannot hear : But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear . 'Nuff said. My goal is to stay in God's face, not have him hide his and turn a deaf ear to y prayers. So, when you start feeling convicted about something that's a GOOD thing. It gives a whole new meaning to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Conviction brings about the opportunity for correction which is a sign of love. Parents correct their children out of love. It is the same with God. He corrects you not to make you feel badly about yourself. He corrects you because he loves you. Have you ever had something on your face, unbeknownst to you, and you were walking around with that something on your face and by chance you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror? Your first response after how long has THAT been hanging out there is why didn't anyone care enough to tell me. You then rationalize the situation by saying to yourself maybe they were afraid to say something because it is an awkward subject to broach. Better to let that person walk around with that thing hanging and hope they notice it on their own; sooner rather than later. But what if it goes unnoticed or worse yet ignored. When your in the midst of doing your thing, your thing being sin. Sometimes you don't recognize it. A person really does need to hear someone say, hey, take care of that thing on your face, that sin. I admit I got sidetracked but that's what conviction is. It is the Lord's way of telling you there's some business that needs to be taken of. So, I'm still here. I was just taking care of some business. Suggested reading: Proverbs 3:11-12, Proverbs 12:1, 15; Proverbs 8:10, 33; Proverbs 9:8, Proverbs 20:30, Job 5:7, Revelations 3:19,

Like a Wildfire

Sometimes I say (or write) something and for some reason what I said just lingers and doesn't go away. Those are the times when I wish I had just spit the words out and could be done with them already. But, no, it must but the Holy Spirit tugging at me. If you've had that kind of experience with the Holy Spirit then you know what I mean. So here goes. When you start a blog on this site it asks you to write a profile. I did that. No biggie. In it I mentioned something about spreading the gospel. Major biggie! Those words haven't left me since I diligently pecked them out on the keyboard about two weeks ago. What does it mean to spread the gospel? Heck if I know! I mean, really. How does one spread the gospel and why do I think I've been assigned to do such a thing. I don't know, for sure, that it is my assignment but I can't help myself or keep myself from doing what this is I am doing. I am one of those types of persons that if I had something good I would share it. Doesn't matter what it is. I just share. I'm not a small person by no means. I admit I like food. Did I say like? I meant love. If I come across something good I say to my family oh my goodness you've got to taste this. My son is my usual guinea pig. We've shared some good, fun moments over me sharing food. Most recently at Trader Joe's sampling Cookie Butter. I tried a sample of the spread on a slice of apple and thought it was the best thing ever. I must have spent about ten minutes trying to convince my son to try it. Cookie Butter. Cookie Butter? finally he relented and asked for a sample. If you could have seen the look on his face after he tasted it and discovered that he liked it. After that taste he was the one who suggested we purchase a jar. We were a pair of giggling fools looking for the stuff. Anyway, I think that is how the gospel is spread, by taste. I couldn't tell my son how good that Cookie Butter was. I mean it sounds awful. How does it sound when someone tells you about God or Christianity? It sounds like a lot of hard work! It sounds like giving up fun. It sounds like living the the life of a Quaker or an Amish person. It sounds like knocking on doors to hand out pamphlets early weekend mornings and knowing people are in the house hiding from you. It sounds like here comes so and so with all that holy roller business and I know what so and so used to do before they got all sanctified and stuff. That's what it sounds like. So back to spreading the gospel. People see the Christ in you and then want a taste. Your life, that taste, is what spreads the gospel. That's my thought anyway. I don't have to go door to door. (But I will if the Lord guides me to do so- don't get me wrong.) As a believer you are the pamphlet. Simply continue living your life but now live it as if you have tasted something good. If you think you will give something up, trust me, you will. The Lord restores it! You literally have nothing to lose and a whole new life in Christ Jesus to gain. I'm just saying. Taste the Lord and see how much giggling you do when you discover how good He is. How about an all out belly laugh when He delivers you from a vice you couldn't shake on your own? Just a taste. I dare you. Watch, then , how the gospel spreads like a wildfire. Suggested reading: Psalm 34:8, 1 Corinthians Chapter 9 1 Cor 9:19 For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

Here Am I

I woke up this morning with the phrase: Stay in God's face.( Stay in his remembrance. Be the shewbread. ) How to make oneself available to Him was also on my mind this morning. I also recalled a dream I had some ten years ago. Maybe not exactly ten but it's been a while. Six maybe? In the dream I was walking down a long corridor with doors on either side. All of the doors were closed and there were some I checked to see if they were unlocked. None were so I continued walking up the corridor until I came to a room with an open door. I didn't cross the threshold of that room. Although it had the appearance of a social event, I knew everyone in it was dead. I stood there at the threshold looking in. The room was fairly crowded but not overly so. In it we're celebrities I recognized. One of whom I still remember from the dream. And I must say I am no longer a fan of his. There were three people facing me. Two were seated. One of whom I didn't know was seated to the left. Another, seated in the middle, was a family friend that passed away. The third person was standing to the left of the person I knew. He is a family friend and a relative of the person I knew. He is very much alive outside of the dream world. The seated friend smiled at me and somehow communicated to me that I should not enter the room. A room full of dead people? You got that right! Surely I wasn't going in there! Funny, though, I wasn’t afraid. I was, however, concerned for the friend that was standing inside the room. I've known him, them, since my childhood. At the time I had that dream I was carpooling with the gentleman's (living one) niece. The next time I saw her I asked about her uncle. She told me she didn't stay in contact with him directly but one of her sisters did. According to her sister he was still crazy as ever going back and forth to jail. Finding it odd that I asked about him she wanted to know what was up. I didn't want to tell her about the dream for fear I'd sound like a kook. (As if it was a first, sheesh) That and the fact her deceased brother was in it and I didn't know how she would handle that part. I told her anyway and we were both dumbstruck by the dream. A short time after that when we were carpooling again she told me she had seen her uncle and told him about the dream I had. She said "you're not going to believe this". I about lost it when she said he told her that he recently had a similar dream. By recently it was about the same time I had mine. Do I need to say that both of us dreamers caught the next thing smoking to church? I've had dreams and I've had dreams. The fact that the two of us shared the same dream motivated me to get my hide into church- real quick like. I took him with me, too! And there I was rejoining the members of my brothers church whom I hadn't seen in a long time. Loooong time. What brings you back? I had this dream blah blah blah I think the Lord has called me and I'm saving thing this man's soul...well I'm bringing him here for you to save it because I don't know what to do about this dream I had. The Lord’s calling me. THE LORD’S CALLING ME!! That's not quite how it went down but close enough. So close that I so overwhelmed myself with the idea that the Lord was calling me into service. I was a pious, fervent church goer for about two services, if that many. But that one service, though! I was a certified saint. I stopped going to my brothers church feeling like an idiot after proclaiming my solemn oath of being called. Being called, not answering the call. As my son would say, what a derp. I got the call again and that time I contacted a pastor friend of mine to ask his thoughts of getting and answering the call. Basically I was thinking about thinking about the call. I thought about the responsibility of saving people's souls and traveling to foreign countries to convert the masses. I thought about seminary school. After I researched the cost of seminary school I stopped thinking about seminary school... So I did nothing. Again. Hello? Hi, may I speak to Brenda, please. Speaking. Who is this? This is the Lord, thy God. Sorry, I meant to say this is her sister. She's not here right now. May I take a message? What's your number? Ok, got it. I'll have her call you as soon as she wakes up. I mean comes back. Fast forward to a year and a half ago on a Sunday morning. I was awakened by the phone ringing. It was my dad asking if I would go to church with him. I said yes. Are you kidding, that's my dad! Of course, I would go. Being a daddy's girl and all. He drove from Carson, Ca. to pick me up and take me to a church in Pomona a five minute drive from my house. Ask me how that makes sense. I will tell you I don’t know but I have been attending that same church ever since. I answered my father's call. AND my Father's call. No dream, no discussions, no seminary plans. Just me being available when the Lord said it’s time. I lost contact with the friend when we stopped carpooling together. The last time I talked to her she told me that her uncle had gotten his life together. He was attendung church regularly and working a steady job. I know I didn't save his soul. God did that. He saved both of us. After all that the only thing I needed to do was say yes, Lord. Here am I. Do as you will through me. Suggested reading 1 Samuel 3:1-11,

Transit Authority

I think it’s a well known fact that, on weekdays, I take the bus to work. Well if it wasn’t well known before it is now. Over the years I’ve gotten to know some really good people and some really strange ones. Really strange. That sounds like judgment, right? Let’s say I’ve met some interesting people. There are two that are most striking. One I had become quite fond of and consider family. The other I was happy wasn’t family and wouldn‘t dare give it a thought to pretend like he was. One I just lost touch with . The other I avoid like the plague. I ran into both of them this week courtesy of the Transit Authority. Bring on the conviction. (Although I didn’t know at the time that was what was happening. I simply knew something strange was going on)

The first person I saw was on Tuesday. I report to work late on Tuesdays and last Tuesday I arrived to downtown Riverside, Ca. with extra time on my hands. Instead of taking my usual connection (crowded) I opted for a less crowded alternative. About halfway to my destination my friend boards the bus and sits next to me. Naturally we catch up on the things that have happened to us since we last saw each other. I begin to feel like a steaming pile when she tells me that she had at one point been in the hospital for an illness and had no one to list as her next of kin. Since she hadn’t been able to reach me she listed her landlord as next of kin. Nice, Brenda. Welcome to Turdville.

 She also told me that she had moved from her old apartment and happily moved into another and was enjoying the peace and safety of a new environment. She told me about how the Lord had blessed her with an apartment in a senior complex with amenities such as a Jacuzzi, recreation room, etc. She also didn’t have to pay utilities and the rent was half the cost of the old apartment that offered nothing but sleepless nights from it being in one of Riverside’s not so nice neighborhoods. God is good and blessing his people, for sure. Since we were disembarking at the same location and I still had time on my hands I joined her in running a few errands. It was an enjoyable start to the morning even though I couldn’t quite shake this “feeling” that was hanging around. I suppose that feeling was stuff on my shoes from Turdville.

Then there was Thursday. After an uneventful but still long day at work I boarded the express limo headed for Montclair. I didn’t notice him at first but he surely noticed me, Son of a Debbie! There he is and he’s talking to me. At first I was unable to give him my full attention because my mind is replaying the voice of another rider talking about how Mr. Avoid Like the Plague is when he’s not taking his medication. I want to quiet that voice and pay attention to the person talking to me but my own voice joins in agreement that this dude is definitely off his meds. Guess who needs meds now? When I do listen I realize that he is troubled. He talks about being misunderstood because he acts and thinks differently than most people. He expresses how it feels knowing that people don’t like him and often either roll their eyes at him when he talks or become hostile towards him. He talks about the anger he has at times and realizes it originates from sadness. All the while I kept thinking I was one of those people.

 I was never rude or disrespectful towards him but I did think his New Age hocus pocus was for the birds. I still do but I felt compassion for him and didn’t like the fact that he was feeling down because of the way people treated him. The thought that I may have been one of them… back to Turdville. But not for long. I don’t ever want to go there again. That feeling I had wasn’t something that was stuck to the bottom of my shoes. No, it was some inside mess and the Holy Spirit doing some cleanup, rather, some convicting. I understand that if the Lord is going to dwell in me He is going to do some housecleaning. They say that the Lord will reach you right where you’re at. I spend a good amount of time on the city limo and the Transit Authority, aka the Holy Spirit, not one to miss an opportunity, sent two messengers to give me a peak at what He’s finding as He cleans me up. Thank you, Jesus, for caring so much about me to heal and cleanse me from the inside out! Suggested reading Matthew 18:33, 25:4; Mark 6:34, 2Timothy 3:16-17

Thy Will Be DOne

DO Your will, Lord. I've been thinking a lot, lately, about what's called The Lord's Prayer. Today it's the 'thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" part. I can't lie. I want to skip right to the heaven part and not have His will be done on earth. Wait, that's not true. I do wish for His will to be done here on earth. Let me back up and say this, I realize it takes some effort on my part to have the Lord's will be done here on earth. Being human, I'd like to get to the good part already and not deal with, well, my human-ness(yes, I like to make up words). In heaven it's praise, worship and being surrounded in God's glory. There we enter the fullness of God's rest. The works, His and yours, or His and mine, have been completed, right? How do I get to the my works are done part on earth? Does that make sense? How do I suppress my will here on earth and allow His will to be done? There is not one moment or one situation where a person isn't encouraged or bombarded with advertising to take matters into their own hands. Self-help this or D.I.Y. that. Self assurance, self-reliance, self-confidence, the list goes on and on. How does all that programming, for lack of a better word, leave opening for God's will to be done here on earth? Do you not feel less than a woman or less than a man if you don't take matters into your own hands? You can't rely on your neighbor so how can you rely on God? Faith. Have faith and let His will be done. Have faith and rely on Him. Another phrase that has been popping into my head lately is "if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger". If that's not one of the biggest crocks of bull I've ever heard. If it didn't kill you then I'm willing to bet it left you battered, wounded and probably wishing it had been a hasty death. Where's the strength in that? There you are getting stronger exercising your own free will and getting whipped every time. NOW it's Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, amen. Lord, I just got whipped and if it be Your will please help me. Oh, in Jesus' name, amen. Really, Lord, help us. Help me. Help me pick up the cross daily. Lord, I accept you as my savior, I welcomed You into my heart knowing that You died on the cross for my sins and rose again. Just as you live I now live. Manifest in me your will. I surrender to it. Truly, the works here on earth yet to be done I am incapable of doing in my own strength regardless of all the self-help material available to me. The only availability that matters is me to you. Let me step outside of myself and let You do what needs to be done through me. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. All to God's glory. In Jesus' name, Amen. Suggested reading Matthew 6:10;16:24, Romans 12-2; 9:16-17, Titus 3:5, Psalms 51:12, Galatians 2:20, I Timothy 1:12

G.I.G.O.

Garbage in garbage out. So the saying goes. So went my breakfast this morning putting me out of commission and unable to complete a post sooner. Not one to be totally shutdown by such a silly thing as an upset stomach or unable to find a lesson in it, here it is: things like bad doctrine, bad or hurtful people, negativity or anything not uplifting shouldn't sit on your stomach and be allowed to digest. They should be immediately purged from your system. Gone, goodbye and good riddance. Those things are like being slowly poisoned. they don't make you die right away; just make you sicker and sicker. Before long you become so toxic you begin to spread the poison to someone else. Don't let the cycle continue. PURGE. Purge I say! Yes, it's gut wrenching. Yes, it stinks. It will wear you down and make you feel like you've been hit by a Mack truck. But what does it feel like holding it in? Yep, that's what I thought. Get rid of it. Toxic friends? Gone. Gossip? Gone. Self-doubt, Gone! Worry, fear, sadness. Throw it all up. Hurl-lurl-lurl as my son would say. How's that for a diet plan? Binge and purge. We've been binging non-stop on things that weigh us down and make us spiritually sick. Let it go love. B-bye! Suggested reading: Luke 6:45, Matthew 12:34-37

Do you like me? Yes or No

In my profile it states that I rededicated (the best Christian-ese word I could think of) my life to Jesus Christ about a year ago as if it were a planned, conscious decision.  What had happened was (smiles) the Holy Spirit said to me "it's time" and I responded "uh, OK?"  So goes my re-dedication.  It was my time.  And it was the beginning of my submission to Jesus Christ.

Do you remember back when you were young, those long, long ago days?  For those of you like me woefully long ago (smiles again),  you liked someone or someone liked you and one of you passed a note to the other: Do you like me?  yes or no.  Circle the appropriate response and pass the note back.  Or better yet you would hit the person you liked and then run away rather than talk and let your feelings be known.  That's what my relationship with Christ was like until now.  Jesus passed me a note I circled yes and was baptized at the age of nine. Throughout the years He kept passing me that same note.  Sometimes I would circle yes.  Other times I would circle no, depending on how I was living my life at that time.  There were times I would circle both yes and no.  I would hit Him then run away. At one point I ran so far away I didn't want Him to see how I was.

In April of 1992 on or about the 16th I checked in to Maine Medical Center, a labor room to be exact, expecting to deliver a son.  I did, but someone else was born that day, me.  Spiritually speaking, that is.
On the night I checked in my personal obstetrician was not on duty neither was he on call.  Lucky me.   I was assigned to someone I had never laid eyes on before or met.  Terrific.  More like terror, though really. So there I was with this total stranger checking my, um, innermost parts.  Yes, that's it... He, rather they were checking my innermost parts.  Of course, there was also a nurse whom I had also never before seen.  Welcome!  The more the merrier, right? Why not have more people take a look-see and, please, let them all be strangers!  Yes, it was a party at my place, but I digress.
 I remember thinking at the time, somewhere between those stupid Lamaze breathing exercises and the really stupid contractions, that what I previously thought was important, like appearance, for example, didn't really matter.  Trust and believe I looked like a mess on the outside at that time,  but neither the doctor nor the nurse cared.  They just wanted to get what was inside of me out.  Albeit not more than I did. 

I labored for many years passing notes back and forth to Jesus.  Finally He, The Doctor,  and His Nurse, the Holy Spirit,  realized I was due.  They didn't care what I looked like on the outside, it was all lies anyway;  smoke and mirrors  It was time for me to be delivered from all the stuff I had on the inside.  Based on the experience I had in the delivery room way back when I didn't care what I looked like on the outside.  I was ready to be delivered.  No more passing notes.  No more hitting and then running away from Him.  It was time to walk with Him and get to know Him.

Suggested reading Revelation 3:20

  

Lean On Me

This morning I was having a textversation (my own word) with a friend about Abraham and Sarah.  I initiated this particular textversation to follow up an actual phone conversation we had last night, a conversation which still lingers on my mind.  What better way to "voice" my opinion without interruption than to text?  Don't hate the method! Does it not say in Matthew Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves? (10:16)  I was being wise as a serpent in an effort to get my two cents in, OK?  

We never came to an agreement on the initial matter, adultery.  In fact the textversation devolved into something entirely different.  It became a contest, of sorts, about who reads what and how much of it.  In the end it was suggested that I do some research and was told "lean not unto your own understanding".  What the what what? I responded with two questions although more were in the works.  The first was "am I not supposed to read for my own revelation?".  The second was "am I supposed to lean on your understanding?".  Had I been astute I would have text-ed to him the ENTIRE scripture from which he was quoting: "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding"  Proverbs 3:5.  That would have shut it down!  Trust in the LORD, Halleluiah, not man's understanding.

Truth be told I do not know who was leaning more between the two of us.  And it all seems rather silly now.  Each of us, really,  was trying to prove one was more knowledgeable than the other, or, rather,  had a better understanding of the word.  Had it been a real battle of who knows scripture better goodness knows I would have lost because I have a terrible memory.  He, on the other hand, is well versed.  

Bottom line is none of the textversation was uplifting and none of it glorified God. We were both lacking in understanding.  There are standard interpretations of scripture that can be found everywhere.   However, I do believe the word is revealed to each person differently.  What does the word mean to you?  How does it apply to your life?  Even better how do you apply it to your life? Hopefully not to challenge someone else but to uplift someone.

Suggested scripture Proverbs 4:4,  28:26, Luke 4:4