The Price of Bondage

Many have said I can do bad all by myself.  I have said and done so on both counts.  For certain I was good at was being bad all by myself.  Alone I shouldered the price of bondage.  You know, bondage is the one place the poor have no credit limit and I was running up a hefty tab. Hopelessness, lost dreams, depression– I had it all with instant access.  The more I had the more there was waiting to be given until I was buried in a sea of bondage debt. My platinum reward points total added up to fear.  I had enough points to travel the world but I was so afraid even of my own shadow. (No Peter here.) How could I be a source of light?  Bondage taxed my mobility with compound interest.  How could I trust myself to put one foot in front of the other and step towards success; step towards freedom?

It’s funny but mostly sad how one can be in bondage, have debt yea high, and people still give them things.  I mean, one can receive and endless supply of “things”, but have nothing to give one-self but being good at being ‘bad all by myself.”  How high the price of bondage wondering how life would have been had I not walked it alone bad all by myself.  What if I had faith the size of a mustard seed?  What if I had gotten out of the boat and walked on the water towards Jesus?  What if I had surrendered my life to Him when given a chance?  Instead I chose to be bad all by myself and leave Jesus hanging there on the cross waiting for me to say yes.

Matthew 11:29-30, John 3:17-18, John 19:30

Stone Pillars

She raises high her torch on an island by the bay

Thousands go to see her, each and every day.

Via boat I once passed by and do admit

She has a presence, albeit, somber and still.

An altar made of stone; hopes and dreams

Never to fulfill.

 

The words of a scarcely known poet are enshrined there

Here they are in case you are amongst those unaware:

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses

Yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse

 Your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless,

Tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

 

Emma Lazarus’ words are now famous and well read

Despite the namesake they can’t lift anyone from sin

or being dead.  I offer you a Man who stands at your door

and knocks, by whose breath is true freedom.  His perch is

not a pedestal surrounded by a polluted bay.  His is a throne

placed at the right hand of the Father. He is the water,

a well-spring whose words are life and true.

Listen with your heart and know when He speaks

He speaks to you. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,

and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me:

for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls.”

You see that woman, that national icon,

she can take but never give the refreshing

of the soul, salvation and life.  Except through Christ Jesus

How can one truly live?

 

You are the light of the world

Not some pillar of stone raising a torch; you!

Let your light so shine before men,

That they may see your good works and

Glorify your Father which is in heaven.

 

Alas liberty shall not be represented by a pillar of stone

It comes by one Man, One Lord, our God and Him alone

Listen I say, to the words He said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

Because he anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor:

He hath sent me to proclaim release to the captives,

And recovering of sight to the blind, To set at liberty

 them that are bruised, To proclaim the acceptable

 year of the Lord.” Do you have ears to hear or are they, too,

like pillars of stone and dead?

 

The world has an abundance of stone pillars

Sadly enough the body of Christ does too.

The last days draw ever so near

 we know this to be true.

Who will stand and exalt the name of the Lord?

Will it be me or is it you?

Where I Am Today

Every once in a while I take a look back to see how I wound up where I am.  I was particularly thinking about my Monday class at Melodyland School of Theology.  Sure it’s a tremendous amount of knowledge gained but even more so I am constantly reflecting on my life as a Christian and building a deeper relationship with Christ due to the resultant understanding.

I was listening to one of the CDs the instructor recorded about prophets.  It was a good teaching that went along the lines of what I had been taught previously and in many ways much deeper.  Anyway the instructor mentioned she was part of the fruit of Kathryn Kuhlman's ministry.  She mentioned that although Kathryn Kuhlman did not personally  mentor one on one, she was mentored through that ministry as a young believer.

It took me back to when I read the book “God Can Do It Again” by Kathryn Kuhlman maybe about four or five years ago.  I was so excited about God's ability to heal through people I was nearly beside myself.  I wanted to meet this person who had such a strong gift of healing.  I tell you I was so excited that when an acquaintance of mine whose young relative was found to have a brain tumor sought prayer via Facebook I couldn’t respond quickly enough to tell her about the book I had read and that she should get in touch with this person God used so mightily.  I prayed for the child as well but I just knew the answer to her prayer was that extraordinarily anointed woman of God.  I had no idea at the time that Kathryn Kuhlman had gone on to be with the Lord decades earlier! So yeah, I was as big a noob as they come.

All that to say this 1) by divine providence I am a beneficiary of the fruit of Kathryn Kuhlman’s ministry. 2) I should not doubt the gift God has placed in me. The same Holy Spirit that dwelled inside of Kathryn Kuhlman dwells inside of each of us.  For the longest time my first response to a crisis had been to go get someone else. Unfortunately at that time the person I wanted to go get was long gone!  It was very difficult for me to break the “go get” habit and replace it with the “tap in” habit- very difficult. Now my goal is to “stay in.” As in stay in the Spirit.

There was a particularly trying time for my family and me when people were seemingly, well they actually were, dying right and left on both the maternal and paternal sides of my family. While making an effort to go get someone to pray for me- for us, I heard Holy Spirit speak plainly to me that I was trying to reach out to everyone but Him. I about froze in my tracks I tell you the truth. I then heard the words “you were created for such a time as this.”  I followed up on those words by reading the scripture in Esther 4:14 they pointed to and thought, in my noobness, that my family was set to be destroyed! I read the chapter in its entirety and then some for context remembering Esther interceded for her people and they were spared.  Who is better to speak to God for me but me? In this case He told me straight out!

I begged God for mercy and to spare my family.  What happened was He gave me peace and understanding about things. There were no timely platitudes; just truth and the wisdom of God. Did family members stop dying? No, but Holy Spirit helped me deal with the overwhelming sense of loss. I was forced to draw closer to Him in a way that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I would have continued to rely on people first and use God as a backup plan of sorts. The implication was if they couldn’t get through to Him on my behalf then I would try.  He was breaking me of deferring to others because of personal doubt and insecurity.  Others have a place in my life. It is just not first. That is the Lord's position.  In that season of time He broke from me the tendency to idolize people and put them before Him.
Back to Esther.  I recently learned that it was not simply because Esther was so beautiful and perfumed in sweet smelling oils that she was able to save her people.  It was because she was one of God’s chosen.  The cleansing ritual she underwent was part of her anointing process.  God anoints His kings- in her case, queen. Her physical appearance was secondary to her character.  That’s what God saw despite the fact we tend to focus on her cooking and beauty that got the king's attention.  We should have been focusing on what got the King of kings attention! That nugget of revelation came front the fruit of Kathryn Kuhlman’s ministry. That being said. I am exactly where I need to be; where the Lord leads me.

How is Your Spirit Filled?

By the Holy Spirit it was brought to my attention how I tended to casually read through scriptures where unclean spirits were cast out by simply assuming they were demons or devils.  It’s not a terrible assumption but then the question of what an unclean spirit looked like arose and kept nagging at me.  With the world being what it is today the first analogy that formulated in my mind was that of the recent police shootings.  I had to think of the net effect each incident had on my spirit.  Sure enough the latent image of an unclean spirit began to manifest.

With each report of an unarmed victim of a police shooting I felt just about every emotion mentioned in Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. As a result, I especially couldn’t resist evil speaking or lashan hara which Wikipedia explains: Speech is considered to be lashon hara if it says something negative about a person or party, is not previously known to the public, is not seriously intended to correct or improve a negative situation, and is true.  In my case it didn’t matter if it was true or not; my spirit was unclean. 

How else might an unclean spirit appear?  Perhaps in the form of a person filled with hatred or the opposite of Matthew 5:44, one who harbors un-forgiveness (Matthew 6:15, Ephesians 4:32), fear (Matthew 10:28, Luke 12:5, 2 Timothy 1:7).  All of the above are indicators of an unclean spirit.  That’s not including a person filled with worry or the cares of the world (Philippians 4:6), or depression (Nehemiah 2:2). 

1Corinthians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.  Those scriptures would appear to describe the various ways a person can filled with unclean spirits. 

Using the Hebrew word for unclean found in Strong’s Concordance, tame (taw-may), we see there are three striking ways on can be unclean: sexually, religiously (idols), or ceremonially by touching the dead.  Granted we don’t often come into contact with dead bodies but we do comingle with those who are spiritually dead or unrighteous.  Are we not warned by Paul not to keep company with such people in 1 Corinthians 5:9-11?  For those not continually renewed and strengthened in Christ those associations can adversely impact their spirits making them unclean.

The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:14) How easily we wound our spirit with what we allow into our gates and by words, thoughts and actions.  Is it not possible then that an unclean spirit can be an open door for the spirit of infirmity?  Luke 13:11 speaks of the woman who had a spirit of infirmity for 18 years who was “bowed together and could in no wise lift herself up.”  Once the spirit of infirmity takes hold we, like that woman, can no wise lift ourselves up. 

When reading Matthew 10:1 one can discern the relationship between unclean spirits and all manner of sickness and disease.  Which begs the question to be asked, How are you spirit filled?

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)

 

MURDERED OR MARTYRED?

 

It is hard for me to put into words how I feel about the recent shootings of nine people who were in a Bible Study at Emanuel A.M.E. Church.  Something disallows me to feel saddened although it is quite sad what happened.  If I could ascribe an emotion to it the closest one would be anger but even that is a stretch.  I dare not call it hopeless resignation although I do believe the atmosphere and tone within this country as of late has been conducive to such an act of violence against blacks.  Whether being killed in isolated incidents across the country or in groups the overall devaluation of certain lives in this country has become commonplace and has given birth to the slogan ‘Black Lives Matter.”  Certainly they do.  All lives matter and we must be careful not to esteem some more than the others. 

There seemed, to me, to be an undertone that, perhaps, the lives lost in that church mattered more than, say, the lives of Trayvon Martin or Eric Garner and countless others because they were in prayer and not perceived as thugs or having a spotty past.  Like I said I think the deaths of some have created an atmosphere that black lives are targets across the board. 

Before I could further entertain such thoughts I heard Holy Spirit speak to me about what is really at stake.  I heard him speak that God will not be mocked.  21-year-old Dylann Roof was there to mock God.  He was there like a wolf in sheep’s clothing in an attempt to prove that God cannot save those who worship Him.  He was there in an attempt to mock those who believe and trust in God.  He was there to scatter the sheep– not just in Charleston, South Carolina but throughout the body of Christ.  He was there to suppress the word of the Lord very much like the crucifixion of Jesus was meant to be the end of what Jesus stood for and preached. 

What the devil didn’t know then and doesn’t know now in the person of Dylann Roof is precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. (Psalm 116:15)  Like the recent martyrdom of the 21 Coptic Christians by ISIS those nine Christians killed here in the United States died as martyrs worshipping the One true living, Almighty God.

They are absent from this life and their bodies but present with the Lord.  Instead of mocking God, Dylann Roof confirmed His word in 2 Timothy 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution and nothing shall separate them from God’s love.  They have achieved the ultimate victory; to die with a worship on their lips.  Instead of disgracing them he has bestowed upon them God’s honor. 

He also awakened the body of Christ as a whole and has reminded us to watch and pray.  Surely we are in the latter part of the last days and the sons of God are called upon to decide without a doubt whether they are with God or if they are His enemies.  With tribulation some will fall away from the faith.  The good thing is more will take a stand and the Gospel of the Good News of Jesus Christ will spread like a wildfire and even more than the devil counted on will catch the flame and burn ever hotter for Jesus Christ.

Jesus Loves You

For most of this month I've been grappling with what to write beyond the title of the next post.  I'm positive it's a good title, 'In Search of Doubt" but the good words to accompany such a title led me all over the map.  Have you ever had that happen to you in the midst of writing?  Maybe it's for another time.  Yes, another time will have to do. 

Lost in thought, as I often am, this thought struck me, "I'm sure I lost the will to live a long time ago and one of the reasons I haven't dropped dead yet is an equally strong will to prove myself wrong." So that's where I'm at today; actively proving myself wrong.  There's probably a hint of proving others wrong, too, but that's not really a priority.   Truth be told those others are merely whispers in the wind that have little bearing on my direction.

Not far behind that thought was the memory of a conversation I had with my nephew, Timothy.  Yesterday he was sharing with me some of the things he has been learning in church.  The most significant thing he told me was Jesus loves you.  A simple truth from the mouth/heart of a four year old babe.  He spoke to me about John the Baptist and how Jesus lives in your heart.  I must admit things got a little weird when he told me that while you sleep God opens your mouth and puts your heart inside but, hey, he's four!

He wasn't concerned about doctrine.   He didn't even know the full story of John the Baptist... but he got me out of my head and concern over how I might share the Gospel.  Everyone has their theory, you know?  Jesus loves you that's the Good News.  Like I said, simple truth and delivered at the exact time I needed to hear it.  Everyone needs to hear it.  The circumstances of life will change on a dime but the truth that Jesus loves you never will.

Jesus loves you.

That's the best thing I could ever write for this blog- Jesus loves you.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, it is high, I cannot attain to it. (Psalm 139:6)  Maybe that is the search for doubt- the too wonderful knowledge that Jesus loves me.  The fact that I cannot attain to it doesn't change the fact of the truth of His love. 

Jesus loves you right now as you are.  Receive it.  Believe it.  Accept it.  As I type I am telling myself deal with it!  Now that I think about it, there's nothing to prove.  Jesus proved it all on the cross- His love that is and by His resurrection the proof is living in the hearts of men today.  It's not my will that matters anyway but His absolutely does.  His will is being manifested in me and through me as I yield to the words of a four year old,  "Jesus loves you."

Indeed He does. 

Jesus loves you. 

I Witness

 

You say that Jesus is coming back, my question to you is when?

I don’t believe in your God and won’t hear of that again.

After all there’s Mohammed and Buddha, even Karma.

Why is your Jesus the Way? I won’t get left behind

I simply choose to stay.

 

Does God truly exist?

How about me, myself and I; that trinity

(That hell bound tryst)?

Go away with your Christianity.

It sounds to me like insanity.

What kind of God lets good people go to hell

And whoremongers live to tell?

 

I have my own rational, logical mind.

I do as I please.  I hold my head up high.

I refuse to get on my knees and beg for mercy

You Christians are just thirsty (and judgmental).

 

What darkness?  I can’t perceive it.

The world is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow;

Nothing but sin and sorrow.

It is what it is and it is and I is… me.

 

You speak of resurrection but not of insurrection.

People today are being martyred for the very God you proclaim.

Why should I not, for myself, make my own name?

This God you believe and the way, the truth, and the life I cannot perceive.

I refuse to get on my knees or beg for mercy or be forced to choose

Your God for a life I might lose to die by the sword.

No, way! I refuse to climb on board Noah’s ark,

The Ark of the Covenant or your Kingdom of God government.

 

You say that Jesus is coming back my question to you is when?

Say what again? The oceans that once overflowed the land

Are now held back by His hand.  I’ve gone to the beach for years

To lay on the sand and watch ships sail on leftover judgment

And people swim in and surf on God’s own tears?

The waters still recede and soon there’ll be none left.

There’ll be nothing left to drink but drought, destruction, and death?

 

I can no longer hold my head up high and await the thief in the night!

Hell awaits my arrival but then again heaven does too.  You say He went

Away to the Father to prepare a place for you? While there is still yet time

I can get on my knees repent and beg for mercy?  In my soul there’s been

A hunger for the Lord and for His Holy Spirit I’ve been thirsty.  It is what it is

And it is and I is… thirsty. 

 

The world is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow

But so is God and soon there will be no more time left to borrow,

no more left over judgment but present day wrath.  No more oceans

to hold back only hell’s fiery bath.   He comes not to bring peace but a sword

Like a thief in the night.  And God said let there be Light.

 

Copyright 2015 Brenda Howard

Shackin' Up

Have you ever had one of those moments when the light of revelation suddenly switches on and you blurt out loudly, “Oh, I get it!”  If you’re lucky you’ll have those moments privately.  If you’re me you’ll blurt out, “Oh, man! I have commitment issues!”  Thankfully the timing of this particular outburst happened when I was having a private moment.  Mind you I have had many moments when I thought I was an undiagnosed Tourette’s patient. Yes, things get awkward frequently when you’re me.

What is most astonishing is this was not a new revelation.  Is it possible to have a recurrent revelation?  Let’s say yes it is and define it as one that comes up and gets pushed back down to the bowels of revelation storage from whence it came only to come up again in times of distress or contemplative introspection.  Ah, who am I kidding?  I was crying out to God asking Him, “What’s wrong with me?” This time the answer would not simply go away with a slight nod of my head and a whimsical albeit stupid look on my face. 

Admitting a commitment issue would invariably mean also admitting a rejection issue and probably even a trust issue.  I’ve admitted to lots of things including these, by the way, but have I dealt with them?  Not necessarily and certainly not definitively.  Since that intense moment of revelation the phrases commitment issues, rejection and trust issues kept repeating on me like spiritual indigestion.  I swallowed the reflux like the queen of heartburn– like a champ, ok wimp, and just let it settle in my belly. If you’re wondering how ulcers formulate, like I am right now, I think we’re on to something.

I recently heard a sermon about Hosea the prophet.  He was commanded by God to marry a prostitute, he chose Gomer, to symbolize the whoredoms of Israel. Overall it was a powerful, sobering message.  It was one in which I substituted myself for Gomer and the Lord for Hosea.  I was no better at committing to the Lord than Gomer was to Hosea.  I had been shackin’ up with the Lord, quite frankly, keeping my true self hidden and afraid that the words “I will never leave nor forsake you’ were just that, words. 

Who am I that this great God would choose me and call me His child?  People had called me friend, wife, employee; whatever, then rejected me and left me hanging.  I had since made the building up of walls around me, running from and avoiding not living up to others’ expectations of me a way of life.  Private failure is one thing but failing someone else I couldn’t handle.  Them failing me was even more challenging as I thought the disconnect was ultimately yet another of my failures.  I couldn’t trust people to not at some point leave me feeling like a failure. 

All of those unrealistic expectations were magnified because I saw myself as Gomer.  What expectations did the Lord have of me that I would ultimately not live up to? My whoredoms were constantly before me. I wanted to stop but couldn’t help myself.  I began to understand Paul’s plight as described in Roman’s 7:15-25. 

I mentioned three whoredoms:  commitment issues, rejection issues and trust issues from an incredibly long list of whoredoms but those three were enough to make my relationship with God more like shackin’ up than a real intimate relationship with Him.  I now understand how it’s been less than a committed marriage.   Contemplative introspectively it wasn’t really about whether He would leave or forsake me.  My modus operandi was to bolt long before that happened.  It was really about whether I could believe in my heart that I was who He called me, His.  How could I live up to that?  Did Gomer really believe that man of God called her wife despite who she was, love amongst the brethren being so conditional? Incidentally, I wonder how long it takes for someone to be transformed by love.  Did Hosea love Gomer or was he simply doing as God commanded?  We can certainly do what God says.  We can also do those things without love.  Jonah comes to mind in that respect.

There was a period of time when I felt like I was caving in under the weight of the world, er my world.  During the excavation process I had to face some difficult things about myself.  My constant prayer was to ask the Lord to remove from me anything that was not of Him; to create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10) I didn’t want to be a Gomer.  I wanted to go more for His sake and be who He says I am.

I had to trust that I was His.  I had to trust that I am all that He calls me and even who He called me to be.  Anything less than me fully trusting His Word– that it fully applies to me makes me a shacker-upper, a Gomer. He has accepted me.  Period.  Once I got that into my spirit I became less like Gomer and more like Mephibosheth sitting at the King’s table.  He has prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies, commitment issues, rejection issues, trust issues, etcetera.  What I needed to do was have a seat at the table He prepared and not excuse myself. 

I need not have to tell you when the Lord prepares the table it’s more like a smorgasbord of His goodness, mercy, justice, righteousness, love, peace and an abundance of everything your heart desires.  The price of admission has been paid for through the blood of the Lamb.  Accept Him. That is accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, that He has paid for you and take a seat.

Stay seated by loving Him with all your heart, mind, and soul.  Kick up your heels by loving others as you love yourself. (Hint: LOVE YOURSELF).  Stay seated by seeking first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness.  Stay seated by doing as He said, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you. REMEMBER He says, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Matthew 28:19-20.

And for goodness’ sake no more shackin’up!

Come Here!

It certainly has been a while since the Lord has dropped a word in my spirit until the point that I am severely agitated by it.  I’ve begun to miss those seasons of research and writing at all hours of the day and night.  I still write but not like I did in that particular season.

This time He not only gave me a word but a name, Lazarus.  I thought of the many different teachings I’ve heard on Lazarus over the past four years and what immediately penetrated my thoughts was the idea that dead things can be brought back to life.  Sure they can but knowing that didn’t help me appreciate why that name was bugging me so. 

As I write now I reflect upon the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  This very Lazarus was noted as a man whom Jesus loved.  He loved him yet waited two days before He went to see after him- while he was severely ill and, apparently, barely alive.  Man, that’s some kind of love.  But I can hardly blame Him.  Lazarus lived in Bethany and if the meaning of names are important, and they are, Bethany means house of affliction.  I also would have tarried two days, just saying.

The story of this particular Lazarus, there are two mentioned in the Bible, is preceded by one of my favorite stories about the disciples.  Didymus, or Thomas, was having a particularly good day and was willing to die with Jesus. (John 11:16)  Travel had already become dangerous for Jesus in those days as the Jews sought to stone Him. Maybe it’s because Didymus, called Thomas- doubting Thomas by some today, reminds me of myself.  That’s another story though.  Maybe it is this same story.  Am I willing to die with Jesus?  I take it we’re not talking baptism either.  Clearly the Lord had much to say to me with this name Lazarus. 

Jesus walked at great risk of bodily harm, i.e. being stoned, to see about someone that was already dead.  Maybe there’s a better story behind the other Lazarus.  This Lazarus is an imaginary person.  If you dare to look up the word Lazarus in Strong’s Greek Concordance you will eventually come to the word kakos and you will find the long definition states: bad, evil, in the widest sense.  If you dare to read further (I did) it states inner malice, inwardly foul, rotten, poisoned, figuratively inner malice flowing out of a morally rotten character. For further flourish in case I didn’t get the point it reads wickedness, inner evil.  Naturally I began to think, “Lord, You and I are having the wrong conversation.” Well? Let’s take a quick review.  Jesus risked His life to resurrect a dead man.  Jesus gave His life to save me, kakos.  It rather sounds like that word which refers to the dog business you scrape off your shoes if you step in it.  He and I were having one heavy conversation!

Luke 16:19-25 There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day. And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores, and desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; and in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.   And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.  But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.

Okay. So Lord I’m liking the direction this conversation is now headed.  You still have my attention; go on.  Wait, let me make sure I’ve got this down so far.  Lazarus, the beggar, the one laid out at the gate full of sores looking not for a buffet but crumbs, I’m sure he has no real friends save for the dogs licking his wounds, but isn’t it like dirty dogs to lick you when you’re down?  This guy… Lazarus gets comforted in the end.  Not just comforted but carried by angels into the bosom of Abraham?  That’s the word you gave me Lord, Lazarus?  Go on. Do tell!

Also one of the definitions affiliated with Lazarus in Strong’s Greek Concordance is the word parrésia: freedom, openness, especially in speech: boldness, confidence.  Browse a little further and you’ll find unreservedness in speech, without concealment, without ambiguity or circumlocution.  This I really needed to hear as lately I’ve been on the receiving end of such.

Strong’s Greek Concordance also affiliates the word deuro (dyoo’-ro) come, now, the present with Lazarus.  Come here!  Jesus yelled for Lazarus to come out from the tomb.  How very much like this Lazarus I had become; I was very nearly spiritually dead.  I hadn’t noticed I was entombed and a stone had been rolled in front of my purpose.  Interesting word this name Lazarus is.

Lazarus licked by dogs.  Lazarus called forth from the tomb.  Then there is me agitated by this word and now Didymus called Thomas who was willing to die with Jesus.  He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. (John 12:25)

Jesus walked at risk to His life of great harm to resurrect one who was already dead, by the time He arrived, six days.  Is not that much like the life of a present day disciple of Jesus Christ– dying to self, and through Jesus as enabled by the power of the Holy Spirit, saving those who are blinded by the God of this world, dead in their sins and very much like kakos? Am I willing to die with Him?  Well, there is this cross I take up daily if that counts.  Lazarus.  Jesus loved a man named Lazarus from the house of affliction.  What a friend we have in Jesus for real.

Back to Strong’s Greek Concordance and the word Lazarus.   The beauty of the word is shown in this definition, whom God helps.  I’m significantly less agitated by the word and find the comfort in it.  I find the peace of God in it.  Lazarus, whom God helps.  What an awesome God! Know that when Jesus yells for you to come out from the tomb, know that you, Lazarus are whom God helps.  And, yes, I will die with Him.

 If you read the full story about Lazarus of Bethany when the chief priests found out he was alive again they wanted to kill him! (John 12:9-11) How many folks are waiting to pounce on you once Jesus yells for you to come out from the tomb? Those were the chief priests back then.  Today it can be anybody.  Really answer the call and all hell will try to break loose.  It doesn’t stop you from being whom God helps, though, does it?

Father, God I praise you and thank you for raising me up from my sleep called spiritual death that resurrected You will be glorifid.  Thank You, Jesus, for not just risking your life but giving your life to save me from the kakos I was and being perfected in you.  Thank you for freedom, openness and boldness.  Mostly I thank You right now for yelling for me to come out from the tomb and allowing me to be whom God helps. What a great and mighty God You are and a loving Jesus who befriends the afflicted, calls them forth, gives them healing and rest.   I am in awe of You.  Again I praise You and thank You in the name of Jesus, amen. 

The Handmaiden's Prayer

Here I am, Father God, at your mercy living by Your grace and tender-loving kindness. I am but your humble servant, Lord, to do as you will.  Everything that I am I give to You.  All that I can be and will be I dedicate to You also.  You are every breath I breathe. I know full well that without You I am nothing.  I know that at any given moment I can return to the dust from which I was created.  From my mother’s womb You called me by name and predestinated me to be a sword, a fiery brand, the meaning of my name. I carry the sword of the Spirit and etched in my heart is your Word.  My purpose is to make Your name great.  My purpose is to protect Your Word.  My Purpose is to publish Your Word and that I will do being confident of this very thing, that You who has begun a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.  I vow on this day that good work will be to minister to You until the day of Jesus Christ.  I am your handmaiden, your bondwoman and all I do is towards you my God, my Savior, my King.  I bless Your holy name and continually praise you in my heart and spirit. I endeavor to remain ever mindful that all the honor and glory is yours and yours alone. There is none that is higher or beside You.  It is You alone that I worship and adore.  You brought me up from the ashes and dung heap and took my rejection and gave me acceptance.  Through the death and resurrection of your precious only begotten Son, Jesus, You gave me salvation and give me peace.  For that I am eternally grateful.  I pray these and all things in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Hannah, Hannah Mo' Manah

I don’t know about you but I’ve long admired those who have boldly stepped out on faith and begun living out their purpose.  You probably know the very same people.  They’re the ones pregnant with purpose and every time you see them they’ve just delivered another baby, er um, project, ministry, church, traveling the world... (You get the picture)

You may even be the one right by their side helping to get those projects off the ground supporting them in any way possible.  And that is great but then your adversary, which is yourself, taunts you and begins to cry out before the Lord asking, “When, God, when will I deliver? Impregnate me with your will and my purpose that I may deliver also!” 

Anybody ever been a bridesmaid multiple times but never walked down the aisle to meet your own groom at the altar?  Or if you’re a male, stood at the altar waiting for your bride?  I mean, someone else’s wedding is great and you’re genuinely happy for all those friends now brides or grooms, but you still want a ring on your finger that states, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)  Let’s be clear, this is not a coveting issue.  It is a ‘what does God have for me’ issue. It’s a called out, set apart, predestinated for what issue. 

In days long past there was a man named Elkanah.  Elkanah had two wives Peninnah, who had given him sons and daughters, and Hannah whose womb God had shut.  Elkanah loved Hannah and treated her well.  Still she was unhappy because what she wanted most in life she was unable to produce, a son.  Additionally, it didn’t help to have Peninnah around constantly reminding and bugging her about not having children of her own.  1 Samuel chapter one is where you’ll find their story.  If you take a look at verse eight you will see that, of the two wives, Hannah was the favored one.  That didn’t amount to a hill of beans to Hannah.  She wanted a son. 

There’s likely a hundred and one reasons why your project hasn’t yet seen the light of day maybe one day we’ll meet and compare lists.  Back to Hannah, though.  And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.  (1 Samuel 1:11) If you are familiar with the story, the LORD does give Hannah a son and she does honor her vow. 

Lord if you will just let me hit the lottery I promise you I will tithe.  Lord if all the lights miraculously turn green I promise to leave earlier next time so I can get there on time.  Lord if you let me pass this test I promise to study next time.  Lord if this next project gets off the ground I promise I will use it to glorify You and not try again to make a name for myself. I promise to be a good steward of its success.  I promise, I promise.    

How about promising not to take the Lord’s name in vain and truly dedicating your work for God’s glory?  Maybe you have walked down the aisle a few times but jilted the Lord at the altar.  Lord knows I’ve down it.  There’s nothing like fear to call off a wedding.  Talk about runaway brides!  Unbelief is another deal breaker.  Oh, and pride.  Let’s not forget the ungodly pride that sneaks into a job well done.  We’re human right? 

Hannah referred to herself as God’s handmaid.  Which is defined as a female servant.  Servant is the key word here.  It is a subservient partner or element.  Now, are you truly a subservient partner with God? Am I?  Perhaps.

The same word, if you look in Strong’s Hebrew Concordance, is shiphchah; towards God, bondwoman.  Are your actions really towards God or towards yourself?  Do they glorify God or benefit yourself?  Hannah honored her vow.  Her son, Samuel, was wholly given over towards God.  She fulfilled the purpose God had for her through honoring her vow.  In return God increased her portion, her manah. 

You see, every year when Elkanah went to worship and sacrifice to God he gave each wife and each child a portion of meat.  Before bearing children Hannah received a double portion. Hannah honored her vow and God gave her three sons and two daughters– increasing her portion.  In so doing He also relieved her of the relentless taunting from Peninnah and gave her honor.  Got any naysayers? 

In the book “Ancient Israel: Its Life and Instructions” by Roland De Vaux he writes “to have many children was a coveted honor” and “the Israelites wanted mainly sons to perpetuate the family line and fortune and to preserve the ancestral inheritance.”  Barren women were the objects of ridicule.  Today is different; still, we have the command to be fruitful and multiply.

 

 

Matthew 25:21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.  Hannah was found to be a good and faithful servant and the Lord honored her.  We must remember that we are servants first, least in the kingdom.  Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt should be our meditation with projects intent to carry on Christ’s work.  The beginning of fruitfulness is a state of brokenness before the Lord.  He can impregnate our brokenness and fill it with purpose, fruitfulness and lots of babies– er um projects, ministries, churches, traveling the world…  (You get the picture.)

 

Who Done It?

You know, in class I've listened to more than a few evangelists speak on how many people they've led to Christ. When I think of it I say to myself, "Wow, that's amazing!" And then my old friend from high school told me she credits herself for being the reason I'm in church today and in my mind I was like, "Hold up partner!"

Imagine that. It seems a silly thing but  it bugged me. I'm all for giving credit where credit is due, or am I?

Truth is I've always credited my fourth grade teacher for me being a Christian. She, Miss Kabayashi, would take me to church with her and is responsible for me getting baptized. Since then it has taken a LOT of Pauls and Apollos' planting and watering to get me back on track. 

Why should that be a touchy subject anyway? Instead of saying thank you and rejoicing my inclination was "Oh, no you didn't!" Lord help meh! 

At this point I can only thank God for sending so many people my way to break through the wall I had built up around myself that didn't trust many people and thereby not really trusting Him.

My friend did try. Her church just wasn't the place for me. I can love her for the effort AND give her credit. Today I will be with her as she lays her oldest sister to rest.  For sure there are mixed 

emotions about that- I can't even imagine saying so long to a sibling. What a day...

1 Corinthians 3:3-11 KJV

[3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? [4] For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? [5] Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man? [6] I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. [7] So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. [8] Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. [9] For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building. [10] According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. [11] For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Weighty Issues

Can we agree that some things are just uncomfortable to hear?  Despite the fact that we in the United States of America celebrate freedom of speech there are some things we simply don’t want to hear.  Connect freedom of speech with freedom of religion and folk certainly don’t want to hear about that.  Speak the name Jesus to someone and see what kind of free speech that generates!  The words Bible thumper, Jesus freak, zealot, and even fool comes to mind.  Mention Jesus and people get all weird on you, right?

There’s this wonderful person I know, I’ll call her Anna.  She and I hang out occasionally.  On some of those occasions Anna likes to talk about plus size fashion.  Mind you, Anna may be a size 4 after a bowl of ice cream.  I, on the other hand, am plus size times two if I even look at a bowl of ice cream.  Generally I don’t mind hearing about plus size fashion but Anna makes it seem like it shouldn’t exist in the first place.  I can’t lie; there is a certain level of discomfort listening to Anna talk about plus size fashion.  After one of those occasional listening sessions I wished I had never looked at a bowl of ice cream let alone be introduced to it.  I promise you there is a point to this conversation.

When we, as believers, exercise our freedom to speak of Jesus to others we should be mindful to do it in love.  (Probably Anna had a little passive aggression going on being upset over the fact that I not only look at bowls of ice cream but partake of them frequently while she religiously abstains from said pleasure.)  We should not speak of Jesus in such a way that the person hearing the message does not feel uncomfortable and sorry for the introduction to Christ.  He is the Good News of the Gospel, right?

Plus sized persons know they are plus sized.  Sinners, for the most part, know they are sinning.  What they are not likely to know and need to understand through you as a witness is the love of Jesus.  Really, if they are as good at sinning as I am at being plus sized (doggone ice cream), then they, like I, have experienced judgment in more ways than one.  There is a fine line between being helpful and hurtful and as we freely speak Jesus into the lives of others we are to be the Jesus kind of helpful. 

In John 4 when Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman He did so in such a way that she did not feel shameful.  He didn’t approach her wearing His crown and glory, thus He drew her in.  His way is proven and affects people positively.  It is worth mentioning also that Jews and Samaritans didn’t normally associate with one another.  As you go forth and witness you will encounter people you would not normally associate with. 

Surely one of the reasons people tend to get uncomfortable hearing “Christians” speak Jesus is they approach them wearing their crown and glory and not in a good way.  They are haughty and portray a “holier than thou demeanor” swinging their “ministry” like a two-edged sword rightly dividing souls into pieces.  All for the glory of whom?  Allow Christ to be perceived in you by those the Holy Spirit leads you to connect with.

When the adulterous woman was brought before Jesus to be stoned He instead freed her. (John 8:1-11)  Do you truly speak Jesus to people or do they hear stones rattling in your pockets?  For God so loved the world… (John 3:16)  We need to so love them as well.  In that way, which is the way of Jesus, when we freely speak Jesus into the lives of those whom He is trying to reach they will freely receive the gift. 

Our words and attitude should not cause such discomfort as if to say “Hey adulterer! Come hear the Good News’ or “Thou harlot come hither and cease your harlotry (because I would NEVER do such a thing.) Come let me tell you what Jesus has done for ME.” We are to do our part only, which is be a witness.  Even Jesus allowed for the scribes and Pharisees to be convicted by their own consciences. (John 8:9)  We should follow His example and leave room for Holy Spirit to do His work.

Jesus did not ignore the Samaritan woman’s lifestyle– He told her the truth and was not off putting about it.  Because of His way of ministry she brought others to Him as well and many believed.  His is the model of love-centric ministry.  Jesus in you is an attraction; not a repellant.  (John 4:1-43) Go forth!  Speak freely proclaiming Jesus, His righteousness and kingdom.  

 

 

The Storm

I was on a small vessel sailing on the waters of my life.  I wish I could tell you it was smooth sailing but I was being tossed to and fro and carried by winds great and small.  Though the winds were howling and sometimes frightening and the seas tempestuous I stayed in that vessel hoping to one day find calm. 

Not only was there no calm to be found but the vessel began to take on water.  The devil had my ear, if not my life, and I had his.  Together we commiserated in my misery.  The water inside the vessel began to rise quickly.  I wanted to escape but I was still within earshot of the father of lies.  My life raft, called false sense of security, detached in the fracas while I was caught unawares.  The air in the vessel had become increasingly oppressive and I found it difficult to breathe.

I didn’t want to die in that vessel respiring stagnant air and opted instead to face the violent winds and colossal waves.  Bows under I merely stepped into the sea thinking I would drown but hoping a passing ship would somehow rescue me.  Under water the lies became muffled, distorted and utterly incoherent. 

Much to my surprise I wasn’t drowning.  Instead of a sense of panic there was peace.  I was overcome with it and though my mind could not comprehend what was happening, my heart and spirit were overtaken by a comforting flow. There was this phenomenon of life giving water flowing through me and yet pouring into me. I wasn’t sinking in the sea, rather, I was beginning to rise. 

There was a Voice clearly speaking to me and as I responded affirmatively to the Voice I rose up even further.  The more I listened and responded the higher up I rose until I broke through the surface.   There was no passing ship waiting for me but a mighty God in the person of Jesus standing upon the now stilled waters.  The no longer rebellious winds were transformed into a refreshing Holy Spirit wind.  Jesus was bidding me to come. 

And there we were– Jesus and I standing on the water.  Only He dared to walk upon the stormy waters of my life to save me from the darkness of lies.  He alone dared to save me from myself.  Many times I had tried to calm the storm on my own thinking Jesus would never accept me as I was; people didn’t.  Not only did He accept me but He did so while I was in the midst of my storm.  He showed up when no one else would or could and called me His. (Romans 8:30, Acts 17:28-29)  I answered His call and He stilled the tempest. 

He still calls out to me and speaks to me.  His voice is the balm that soothes rejection and casts out fear. (Matthew 10:31)  I am not burdensome to Him.  In fact, He took my burdens. (Matthew 11:28)  I couldn’t bear my life alone.  Confessing my sins and accepting Him as Lord of my life and Savior I don’t have to. 

Because of Him I am set free to share the Gospel of the Good News, the kingdom of heaven is here now, present and to come.   It is accessible to all who seek Him with repentant hearts.  Surely broken hearts have a place in Him where there is healing, power, and rest.