Shackin' Up

Have you ever had one of those moments when the light of revelation suddenly switches on and you blurt out loudly, “Oh, I get it!”  If you’re lucky you’ll have those moments privately.  If you’re me you’ll blurt out, “Oh, man! I have commitment issues!”  Thankfully the timing of this particular outburst happened when I was having a private moment.  Mind you I have had many moments when I thought I was an undiagnosed Tourette’s patient. Yes, things get awkward frequently when you’re me.

What is most astonishing is this was not a new revelation.  Is it possible to have a recurrent revelation?  Let’s say yes it is and define it as one that comes up and gets pushed back down to the bowels of revelation storage from whence it came only to come up again in times of distress or contemplative introspection.  Ah, who am I kidding?  I was crying out to God asking Him, “What’s wrong with me?” This time the answer would not simply go away with a slight nod of my head and a whimsical albeit stupid look on my face. 

Admitting a commitment issue would invariably mean also admitting a rejection issue and probably even a trust issue.  I’ve admitted to lots of things including these, by the way, but have I dealt with them?  Not necessarily and certainly not definitively.  Since that intense moment of revelation the phrases commitment issues, rejection and trust issues kept repeating on me like spiritual indigestion.  I swallowed the reflux like the queen of heartburn– like a champ, ok wimp, and just let it settle in my belly. If you’re wondering how ulcers formulate, like I am right now, I think we’re on to something.

I recently heard a sermon about Hosea the prophet.  He was commanded by God to marry a prostitute, he chose Gomer, to symbolize the whoredoms of Israel. Overall it was a powerful, sobering message.  It was one in which I substituted myself for Gomer and the Lord for Hosea.  I was no better at committing to the Lord than Gomer was to Hosea.  I had been shackin’ up with the Lord, quite frankly, keeping my true self hidden and afraid that the words “I will never leave nor forsake you’ were just that, words. 

Who am I that this great God would choose me and call me His child?  People had called me friend, wife, employee; whatever, then rejected me and left me hanging.  I had since made the building up of walls around me, running from and avoiding not living up to others’ expectations of me a way of life.  Private failure is one thing but failing someone else I couldn’t handle.  Them failing me was even more challenging as I thought the disconnect was ultimately yet another of my failures.  I couldn’t trust people to not at some point leave me feeling like a failure. 

All of those unrealistic expectations were magnified because I saw myself as Gomer.  What expectations did the Lord have of me that I would ultimately not live up to? My whoredoms were constantly before me. I wanted to stop but couldn’t help myself.  I began to understand Paul’s plight as described in Roman’s 7:15-25. 

I mentioned three whoredoms:  commitment issues, rejection issues and trust issues from an incredibly long list of whoredoms but those three were enough to make my relationship with God more like shackin’ up than a real intimate relationship with Him.  I now understand how it’s been less than a committed marriage.   Contemplative introspectively it wasn’t really about whether He would leave or forsake me.  My modus operandi was to bolt long before that happened.  It was really about whether I could believe in my heart that I was who He called me, His.  How could I live up to that?  Did Gomer really believe that man of God called her wife despite who she was, love amongst the brethren being so conditional? Incidentally, I wonder how long it takes for someone to be transformed by love.  Did Hosea love Gomer or was he simply doing as God commanded?  We can certainly do what God says.  We can also do those things without love.  Jonah comes to mind in that respect.

There was a period of time when I felt like I was caving in under the weight of the world, er my world.  During the excavation process I had to face some difficult things about myself.  My constant prayer was to ask the Lord to remove from me anything that was not of Him; to create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10) I didn’t want to be a Gomer.  I wanted to go more for His sake and be who He says I am.

I had to trust that I was His.  I had to trust that I am all that He calls me and even who He called me to be.  Anything less than me fully trusting His Word– that it fully applies to me makes me a shacker-upper, a Gomer. He has accepted me.  Period.  Once I got that into my spirit I became less like Gomer and more like Mephibosheth sitting at the King’s table.  He has prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies, commitment issues, rejection issues, trust issues, etcetera.  What I needed to do was have a seat at the table He prepared and not excuse myself. 

I need not have to tell you when the Lord prepares the table it’s more like a smorgasbord of His goodness, mercy, justice, righteousness, love, peace and an abundance of everything your heart desires.  The price of admission has been paid for through the blood of the Lamb.  Accept Him. That is accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, that He has paid for you and take a seat.

Stay seated by loving Him with all your heart, mind, and soul.  Kick up your heels by loving others as you love yourself. (Hint: LOVE YOURSELF).  Stay seated by seeking first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness.  Stay seated by doing as He said, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you. REMEMBER He says, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Matthew 28:19-20.

And for goodness’ sake no more shackin’up!

Come Here!

It certainly has been a while since the Lord has dropped a word in my spirit until the point that I am severely agitated by it.  I’ve begun to miss those seasons of research and writing at all hours of the day and night.  I still write but not like I did in that particular season.

This time He not only gave me a word but a name, Lazarus.  I thought of the many different teachings I’ve heard on Lazarus over the past four years and what immediately penetrated my thoughts was the idea that dead things can be brought back to life.  Sure they can but knowing that didn’t help me appreciate why that name was bugging me so. 

As I write now I reflect upon the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  This very Lazarus was noted as a man whom Jesus loved.  He loved him yet waited two days before He went to see after him- while he was severely ill and, apparently, barely alive.  Man, that’s some kind of love.  But I can hardly blame Him.  Lazarus lived in Bethany and if the meaning of names are important, and they are, Bethany means house of affliction.  I also would have tarried two days, just saying.

The story of this particular Lazarus, there are two mentioned in the Bible, is preceded by one of my favorite stories about the disciples.  Didymus, or Thomas, was having a particularly good day and was willing to die with Jesus. (John 11:16)  Travel had already become dangerous for Jesus in those days as the Jews sought to stone Him. Maybe it’s because Didymus, called Thomas- doubting Thomas by some today, reminds me of myself.  That’s another story though.  Maybe it is this same story.  Am I willing to die with Jesus?  I take it we’re not talking baptism either.  Clearly the Lord had much to say to me with this name Lazarus. 

Jesus walked at great risk of bodily harm, i.e. being stoned, to see about someone that was already dead.  Maybe there’s a better story behind the other Lazarus.  This Lazarus is an imaginary person.  If you dare to look up the word Lazarus in Strong’s Greek Concordance you will eventually come to the word kakos and you will find the long definition states: bad, evil, in the widest sense.  If you dare to read further (I did) it states inner malice, inwardly foul, rotten, poisoned, figuratively inner malice flowing out of a morally rotten character. For further flourish in case I didn’t get the point it reads wickedness, inner evil.  Naturally I began to think, “Lord, You and I are having the wrong conversation.” Well? Let’s take a quick review.  Jesus risked His life to resurrect a dead man.  Jesus gave His life to save me, kakos.  It rather sounds like that word which refers to the dog business you scrape off your shoes if you step in it.  He and I were having one heavy conversation!

Luke 16:19-25 There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day. And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores, and desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; and in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.   And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.  But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.

Okay. So Lord I’m liking the direction this conversation is now headed.  You still have my attention; go on.  Wait, let me make sure I’ve got this down so far.  Lazarus, the beggar, the one laid out at the gate full of sores looking not for a buffet but crumbs, I’m sure he has no real friends save for the dogs licking his wounds, but isn’t it like dirty dogs to lick you when you’re down?  This guy… Lazarus gets comforted in the end.  Not just comforted but carried by angels into the bosom of Abraham?  That’s the word you gave me Lord, Lazarus?  Go on. Do tell!

Also one of the definitions affiliated with Lazarus in Strong’s Greek Concordance is the word parrésia: freedom, openness, especially in speech: boldness, confidence.  Browse a little further and you’ll find unreservedness in speech, without concealment, without ambiguity or circumlocution.  This I really needed to hear as lately I’ve been on the receiving end of such.

Strong’s Greek Concordance also affiliates the word deuro (dyoo’-ro) come, now, the present with Lazarus.  Come here!  Jesus yelled for Lazarus to come out from the tomb.  How very much like this Lazarus I had become; I was very nearly spiritually dead.  I hadn’t noticed I was entombed and a stone had been rolled in front of my purpose.  Interesting word this name Lazarus is.

Lazarus licked by dogs.  Lazarus called forth from the tomb.  Then there is me agitated by this word and now Didymus called Thomas who was willing to die with Jesus.  He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. (John 12:25)

Jesus walked at risk to His life of great harm to resurrect one who was already dead, by the time He arrived, six days.  Is not that much like the life of a present day disciple of Jesus Christ– dying to self, and through Jesus as enabled by the power of the Holy Spirit, saving those who are blinded by the God of this world, dead in their sins and very much like kakos? Am I willing to die with Him?  Well, there is this cross I take up daily if that counts.  Lazarus.  Jesus loved a man named Lazarus from the house of affliction.  What a friend we have in Jesus for real.

Back to Strong’s Greek Concordance and the word Lazarus.   The beauty of the word is shown in this definition, whom God helps.  I’m significantly less agitated by the word and find the comfort in it.  I find the peace of God in it.  Lazarus, whom God helps.  What an awesome God! Know that when Jesus yells for you to come out from the tomb, know that you, Lazarus are whom God helps.  And, yes, I will die with Him.

 If you read the full story about Lazarus of Bethany when the chief priests found out he was alive again they wanted to kill him! (John 12:9-11) How many folks are waiting to pounce on you once Jesus yells for you to come out from the tomb? Those were the chief priests back then.  Today it can be anybody.  Really answer the call and all hell will try to break loose.  It doesn’t stop you from being whom God helps, though, does it?

Father, God I praise you and thank you for raising me up from my sleep called spiritual death that resurrected You will be glorifid.  Thank You, Jesus, for not just risking your life but giving your life to save me from the kakos I was and being perfected in you.  Thank you for freedom, openness and boldness.  Mostly I thank You right now for yelling for me to come out from the tomb and allowing me to be whom God helps. What a great and mighty God You are and a loving Jesus who befriends the afflicted, calls them forth, gives them healing and rest.   I am in awe of You.  Again I praise You and thank You in the name of Jesus, amen. 

The Handmaiden's Prayer

Here I am, Father God, at your mercy living by Your grace and tender-loving kindness. I am but your humble servant, Lord, to do as you will.  Everything that I am I give to You.  All that I can be and will be I dedicate to You also.  You are every breath I breathe. I know full well that without You I am nothing.  I know that at any given moment I can return to the dust from which I was created.  From my mother’s womb You called me by name and predestinated me to be a sword, a fiery brand, the meaning of my name. I carry the sword of the Spirit and etched in my heart is your Word.  My purpose is to make Your name great.  My purpose is to protect Your Word.  My Purpose is to publish Your Word and that I will do being confident of this very thing, that You who has begun a good work in me will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.  I vow on this day that good work will be to minister to You until the day of Jesus Christ.  I am your handmaiden, your bondwoman and all I do is towards you my God, my Savior, my King.  I bless Your holy name and continually praise you in my heart and spirit. I endeavor to remain ever mindful that all the honor and glory is yours and yours alone. There is none that is higher or beside You.  It is You alone that I worship and adore.  You brought me up from the ashes and dung heap and took my rejection and gave me acceptance.  Through the death and resurrection of your precious only begotten Son, Jesus, You gave me salvation and give me peace.  For that I am eternally grateful.  I pray these and all things in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Hannah, Hannah Mo' Manah

I don’t know about you but I’ve long admired those who have boldly stepped out on faith and begun living out their purpose.  You probably know the very same people.  They’re the ones pregnant with purpose and every time you see them they’ve just delivered another baby, er um, project, ministry, church, traveling the world... (You get the picture)

You may even be the one right by their side helping to get those projects off the ground supporting them in any way possible.  And that is great but then your adversary, which is yourself, taunts you and begins to cry out before the Lord asking, “When, God, when will I deliver? Impregnate me with your will and my purpose that I may deliver also!” 

Anybody ever been a bridesmaid multiple times but never walked down the aisle to meet your own groom at the altar?  Or if you’re a male, stood at the altar waiting for your bride?  I mean, someone else’s wedding is great and you’re genuinely happy for all those friends now brides or grooms, but you still want a ring on your finger that states, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)  Let’s be clear, this is not a coveting issue.  It is a ‘what does God have for me’ issue. It’s a called out, set apart, predestinated for what issue. 

In days long past there was a man named Elkanah.  Elkanah had two wives Peninnah, who had given him sons and daughters, and Hannah whose womb God had shut.  Elkanah loved Hannah and treated her well.  Still she was unhappy because what she wanted most in life she was unable to produce, a son.  Additionally, it didn’t help to have Peninnah around constantly reminding and bugging her about not having children of her own.  1 Samuel chapter one is where you’ll find their story.  If you take a look at verse eight you will see that, of the two wives, Hannah was the favored one.  That didn’t amount to a hill of beans to Hannah.  She wanted a son. 

There’s likely a hundred and one reasons why your project hasn’t yet seen the light of day maybe one day we’ll meet and compare lists.  Back to Hannah, though.  And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.  (1 Samuel 1:11) If you are familiar with the story, the LORD does give Hannah a son and she does honor her vow. 

Lord if you will just let me hit the lottery I promise you I will tithe.  Lord if all the lights miraculously turn green I promise to leave earlier next time so I can get there on time.  Lord if you let me pass this test I promise to study next time.  Lord if this next project gets off the ground I promise I will use it to glorify You and not try again to make a name for myself. I promise to be a good steward of its success.  I promise, I promise.    

How about promising not to take the Lord’s name in vain and truly dedicating your work for God’s glory?  Maybe you have walked down the aisle a few times but jilted the Lord at the altar.  Lord knows I’ve down it.  There’s nothing like fear to call off a wedding.  Talk about runaway brides!  Unbelief is another deal breaker.  Oh, and pride.  Let’s not forget the ungodly pride that sneaks into a job well done.  We’re human right? 

Hannah referred to herself as God’s handmaid.  Which is defined as a female servant.  Servant is the key word here.  It is a subservient partner or element.  Now, are you truly a subservient partner with God? Am I?  Perhaps.

The same word, if you look in Strong’s Hebrew Concordance, is shiphchah; towards God, bondwoman.  Are your actions really towards God or towards yourself?  Do they glorify God or benefit yourself?  Hannah honored her vow.  Her son, Samuel, was wholly given over towards God.  She fulfilled the purpose God had for her through honoring her vow.  In return God increased her portion, her manah. 

You see, every year when Elkanah went to worship and sacrifice to God he gave each wife and each child a portion of meat.  Before bearing children Hannah received a double portion. Hannah honored her vow and God gave her three sons and two daughters– increasing her portion.  In so doing He also relieved her of the relentless taunting from Peninnah and gave her honor.  Got any naysayers? 

In the book “Ancient Israel: Its Life and Instructions” by Roland De Vaux he writes “to have many children was a coveted honor” and “the Israelites wanted mainly sons to perpetuate the family line and fortune and to preserve the ancestral inheritance.”  Barren women were the objects of ridicule.  Today is different; still, we have the command to be fruitful and multiply.

 

 

Matthew 25:21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.  Hannah was found to be a good and faithful servant and the Lord honored her.  We must remember that we are servants first, least in the kingdom.  Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt should be our meditation with projects intent to carry on Christ’s work.  The beginning of fruitfulness is a state of brokenness before the Lord.  He can impregnate our brokenness and fill it with purpose, fruitfulness and lots of babies– er um projects, ministries, churches, traveling the world…  (You get the picture.)

 

Who Done It?

You know, in class I've listened to more than a few evangelists speak on how many people they've led to Christ. When I think of it I say to myself, "Wow, that's amazing!" And then my old friend from high school told me she credits herself for being the reason I'm in church today and in my mind I was like, "Hold up partner!"

Imagine that. It seems a silly thing but  it bugged me. I'm all for giving credit where credit is due, or am I?

Truth is I've always credited my fourth grade teacher for me being a Christian. She, Miss Kabayashi, would take me to church with her and is responsible for me getting baptized. Since then it has taken a LOT of Pauls and Apollos' planting and watering to get me back on track. 

Why should that be a touchy subject anyway? Instead of saying thank you and rejoicing my inclination was "Oh, no you didn't!" Lord help meh! 

At this point I can only thank God for sending so many people my way to break through the wall I had built up around myself that didn't trust many people and thereby not really trusting Him.

My friend did try. Her church just wasn't the place for me. I can love her for the effort AND give her credit. Today I will be with her as she lays her oldest sister to rest.  For sure there are mixed 

emotions about that- I can't even imagine saying so long to a sibling. What a day...

1 Corinthians 3:3-11 KJV

[3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? [4] For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? [5] Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man? [6] I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. [7] So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. [8] Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. [9] For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building. [10] According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. [11] For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.