Alone With God

Heavenly Father, beloved Author and Finisher of my life, only You know how my story is written.  I can only hope that I am turning the pages according to your will.  You know me- not only am I not always sure but sometimes, like with any other book, I like to read the ending first or even the middle to see how it relates to the beginning. It’s not because I have a desire to know all the answers- I hardly know the questions, I just want to know the ending is You, that the pen is still and always in your hand. Besides, even looking ahead I still don’t have all the answers. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re editing and rewriting things even as I go along. Just never write yourself out of my story.  I am nothing without you and as much as things don’t make sense now, they never will without you.

What I know is I will keep moving forward trusting You, Your workmanship through me and in me. So here I am working towards becoming the instructed scribe You purposed me to be.  Yes I am but are You sure? It’s one thing to do this for myself, I just know it’s not about me.  Truthfully, Father, that’s what scares me- the people you are entrusting to me… The spirit is willing, yes it is Father, and I trust You but can I trust myself to be like Ezra?  Do You know all that he did? I mean, I know You know.  Perhaps I’m reading His ending and comparing it to my beginning and what I thought was the ending of my book was still only the beginning.  I don’t know… I know I have a lot of territory to cover and I cannot begin to take a single step without You.  You alone are how I’ve come even this far. Here I am needing your grace and mercy. Daddy, even more faith.  As You write me; I read You.

I know and thank You that my gifts come from You.  None of this is me.  I just pray, Father, that I don’t take it lightly.  I know you take the foolish things to shame the wise– I just can’t be foolish with this, not any more.  Father, please help me walk in obedience.  Teach me to sit down and be still and really prepare my heart to receive instruction from you. Show me how to do this YOUR WAY. I hear Your voice, Father God, but rooted, I need to be deeply rooted because of the things You’ve shown me.  I don’t want to get carried away and moved from your presence.  Every day I fight to cling to You. I fight to not get lost in some kind of self-serving posturing. I want to be pleasing to You; not myself or anyone else. The glory is Yours. It is never mine to possess or exalt myself with.  I am your servant although You do so very much for me.  How can I thank You except with my life; the very one written by Your hand? This raggedy life drenched in the blood of Jesus is utterly Yours to do as You will. In the saving name of Jesus. Amen