Who Done It?

You know, in class I've listened to more than a few evangelists speak on how many people they've led to Christ. When I think of it I say to myself, "Wow, that's amazing!" And then my old friend from high school told me she credits herself for being the reason I'm in church today and in my mind I was like, "Hold up partner!"

Imagine that. It seems a silly thing but  it bugged me. I'm all for giving credit where credit is due, or am I?

Truth is I've always credited my fourth grade teacher for me being a Christian. She, Miss Kabayashi, would take me to church with her and is responsible for me getting baptized. Since then it has taken a LOT of Pauls and Apollos' planting and watering to get me back on track. 

Why should that be a touchy subject anyway? Instead of saying thank you and rejoicing my inclination was "Oh, no you didn't!" Lord help meh! 

At this point I can only thank God for sending so many people my way to break through the wall I had built up around myself that didn't trust many people and thereby not really trusting Him.

My friend did try. Her church just wasn't the place for me. I can love her for the effort AND give her credit. Today I will be with her as she lays her oldest sister to rest.  For sure there are mixed 

emotions about that- I can't even imagine saying so long to a sibling. What a day...

1 Corinthians 3:3-11 KJV

[3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? [4] For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? [5] Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man? [6] I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. [7] So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. [8] Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. [9] For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building. [10] According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. [11] For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Weighty Issues

Can we agree that some things are just uncomfortable to hear?  Despite the fact that we in the United States of America celebrate freedom of speech there are some things we simply don’t want to hear.  Connect freedom of speech with freedom of religion and folk certainly don’t want to hear about that.  Speak the name Jesus to someone and see what kind of free speech that generates!  The words Bible thumper, Jesus freak, zealot, and even fool comes to mind.  Mention Jesus and people get all weird on you, right?

There’s this wonderful person I know, I’ll call her Anna.  She and I hang out occasionally.  On some of those occasions Anna likes to talk about plus size fashion.  Mind you, Anna may be a size 4 after a bowl of ice cream.  I, on the other hand, am plus size times two if I even look at a bowl of ice cream.  Generally I don’t mind hearing about plus size fashion but Anna makes it seem like it shouldn’t exist in the first place.  I can’t lie; there is a certain level of discomfort listening to Anna talk about plus size fashion.  After one of those occasional listening sessions I wished I had never looked at a bowl of ice cream let alone be introduced to it.  I promise you there is a point to this conversation.

When we, as believers, exercise our freedom to speak of Jesus to others we should be mindful to do it in love.  (Probably Anna had a little passive aggression going on being upset over the fact that I not only look at bowls of ice cream but partake of them frequently while she religiously abstains from said pleasure.)  We should not speak of Jesus in such a way that the person hearing the message does not feel uncomfortable and sorry for the introduction to Christ.  He is the Good News of the Gospel, right?

Plus sized persons know they are plus sized.  Sinners, for the most part, know they are sinning.  What they are not likely to know and need to understand through you as a witness is the love of Jesus.  Really, if they are as good at sinning as I am at being plus sized (doggone ice cream), then they, like I, have experienced judgment in more ways than one.  There is a fine line between being helpful and hurtful and as we freely speak Jesus into the lives of others we are to be the Jesus kind of helpful. 

In John 4 when Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman He did so in such a way that she did not feel shameful.  He didn’t approach her wearing His crown and glory, thus He drew her in.  His way is proven and affects people positively.  It is worth mentioning also that Jews and Samaritans didn’t normally associate with one another.  As you go forth and witness you will encounter people you would not normally associate with. 

Surely one of the reasons people tend to get uncomfortable hearing “Christians” speak Jesus is they approach them wearing their crown and glory and not in a good way.  They are haughty and portray a “holier than thou demeanor” swinging their “ministry” like a two-edged sword rightly dividing souls into pieces.  All for the glory of whom?  Allow Christ to be perceived in you by those the Holy Spirit leads you to connect with.

When the adulterous woman was brought before Jesus to be stoned He instead freed her. (John 8:1-11)  Do you truly speak Jesus to people or do they hear stones rattling in your pockets?  For God so loved the world… (John 3:16)  We need to so love them as well.  In that way, which is the way of Jesus, when we freely speak Jesus into the lives of those whom He is trying to reach they will freely receive the gift. 

Our words and attitude should not cause such discomfort as if to say “Hey adulterer! Come hear the Good News’ or “Thou harlot come hither and cease your harlotry (because I would NEVER do such a thing.) Come let me tell you what Jesus has done for ME.” We are to do our part only, which is be a witness.  Even Jesus allowed for the scribes and Pharisees to be convicted by their own consciences. (John 8:9)  We should follow His example and leave room for Holy Spirit to do His work.

Jesus did not ignore the Samaritan woman’s lifestyle– He told her the truth and was not off putting about it.  Because of His way of ministry she brought others to Him as well and many believed.  His is the model of love-centric ministry.  Jesus in you is an attraction; not a repellant.  (John 4:1-43) Go forth!  Speak freely proclaiming Jesus, His righteousness and kingdom.  

 

 

The Storm

I was on a small vessel sailing on the waters of my life.  I wish I could tell you it was smooth sailing but I was being tossed to and fro and carried by winds great and small.  Though the winds were howling and sometimes frightening and the seas tempestuous I stayed in that vessel hoping to one day find calm. 

Not only was there no calm to be found but the vessel began to take on water.  The devil had my ear, if not my life, and I had his.  Together we commiserated in my misery.  The water inside the vessel began to rise quickly.  I wanted to escape but I was still within earshot of the father of lies.  My life raft, called false sense of security, detached in the fracas while I was caught unawares.  The air in the vessel had become increasingly oppressive and I found it difficult to breathe.

I didn’t want to die in that vessel respiring stagnant air and opted instead to face the violent winds and colossal waves.  Bows under I merely stepped into the sea thinking I would drown but hoping a passing ship would somehow rescue me.  Under water the lies became muffled, distorted and utterly incoherent. 

Much to my surprise I wasn’t drowning.  Instead of a sense of panic there was peace.  I was overcome with it and though my mind could not comprehend what was happening, my heart and spirit were overtaken by a comforting flow. There was this phenomenon of life giving water flowing through me and yet pouring into me. I wasn’t sinking in the sea, rather, I was beginning to rise. 

There was a Voice clearly speaking to me and as I responded affirmatively to the Voice I rose up even further.  The more I listened and responded the higher up I rose until I broke through the surface.   There was no passing ship waiting for me but a mighty God in the person of Jesus standing upon the now stilled waters.  The no longer rebellious winds were transformed into a refreshing Holy Spirit wind.  Jesus was bidding me to come. 

And there we were– Jesus and I standing on the water.  Only He dared to walk upon the stormy waters of my life to save me from the darkness of lies.  He alone dared to save me from myself.  Many times I had tried to calm the storm on my own thinking Jesus would never accept me as I was; people didn’t.  Not only did He accept me but He did so while I was in the midst of my storm.  He showed up when no one else would or could and called me His. (Romans 8:30, Acts 17:28-29)  I answered His call and He stilled the tempest. 

He still calls out to me and speaks to me.  His voice is the balm that soothes rejection and casts out fear. (Matthew 10:31)  I am not burdensome to Him.  In fact, He took my burdens. (Matthew 11:28)  I couldn’t bear my life alone.  Confessing my sins and accepting Him as Lord of my life and Savior I don’t have to. 

Because of Him I am set free to share the Gospel of the Good News, the kingdom of heaven is here now, present and to come.   It is accessible to all who seek Him with repentant hearts.  Surely broken hearts have a place in Him where there is healing, power, and rest.

Those Ancient Israelites and I

I wish I could tell you how many times I’ve read, heard, or talked about the ancient Israelites being delivered from Egypt and all of the amazing miracles God performed on their behalf. They who, miracle after miracle, proceeded to turn their backs on God time after time with their murmurings and carnal desires.  What idiots, right?  He was a pillar of a cloud with them in the daytime and a pillar of fire with them at night and still they murmured.  When they complained of hunger they wanted to return to the bondage of Egypt but God, hearing their cries, gave to them freely the food of angels, manna. (Exodus 16:4, Psalm 78:24-25)

Their most boisterous complaint, in my opinion, was demonstrated when they tired of waiting on God and built a golden ram to worship.  Yes, they’re still idiots.  The nerve of a chosen people getting tired of waiting on God!  I thought to myself what foolishness!  How can they do such things when God was visible to them? They could hear His voice as an exceeding loud trumpet for goodness’ sake! (Exodus 19:16) Still they rebelled.  Did I say the word idiots? Yes, twice already.  So you’re getting the picture of how they behaved in general and their attitude specifically, stiff-necked is what they were called back then. 

One sunny and beautiful Southern California day I found myself to be wallowing in the pit of misery that was me and, oh, so very woeful.  I was thinking about the state of my affairs and wondering why I wasn’t by now living the victorious life as a matter of habit rather than wishful thinking.  I was regretting that I was no longer working at that job where, surely the manager hated me, but it was the means for me to better take care of myself and my family.  Working there I wasn’t so… dependent.  I was surviving but barely really.  I was definitely miserable but I wasn’t whatever this is.  I kept crying out to God and endeavored to know Him in a deeper more personal way because what I was doing obviously was not working.  In many ways my life, indeed, was failing but I dared not settle for failure.  Not as a child of the most-high God! What would my family and friends think, right?   Some kind of Christian you are comes to mind.  I determined to scrap everything I was presently doing to start over and earnestly pursue God differently and also my purpose differently.  I was still miserable and in the pits but still in pursuit.     

Somewhere in the middle of my utterly gut-wrenching, heartbreaking me-ness reverie that included violins and harps, I heard Holy Spirit say, “About those Israelites…” I could swear there was a mirror right in front of my face, too, when He said it.  There was.  It was the Psalm 78 mirror.  I read, rather, saw that I was no different than they were.  In Psalm 78 you can read about what God did for the Israelites, how they responded to His works, and God’s reaction to their response.  I saw myself there in the text rebellious and murmuring.  Did I hear you say idiot?  Yes, that was I. Busted in all of my Pharisaical shame.  I was so wrapped up into myself I was squeezing God out of my life much as I’d like to think I was holding on to Him.  Surely He was working miracles in my life and I was experiencing His profound mercy and blessings but I could not see my way out of the pits. You know? The fact that He was still communicating with me was miraculous the way I see it. 

Physically I was out there but in my mind I had withdrawn. I was just going through the motions.  I was drowning in despair but couldn’t think of anyone to turn to but God.  Hey, I feel defeated is not the usual conversation starter but it’s one I’m sure more people wish would be.  To be honest it was a homework assignment that led me to read Psalm 78.  That’s what helped me snap out of it.  Well, that and crying out to God for mercy.  The timing of that assignment, I know, was God’s response to me constantly calling out to Him from my misery pit.  I didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of being a burden to anyone, who, like me was bearing their own.  Mind you there is scriptural justification towards bearing one another’s burdens, Galatians 6:2.  It’s something believers should do more of.  I believe this season specifically was part of my maturation process.   It is a solo flight, if you will.  How to trust God for yourself is an ongoing lesson and one I needed a refresher course in.

As I read the Psalm 78 text I felt such shame that I could so easily be like the ancient Israelites by murmuring so.  I was sick of myself but could not stop it.  Yes, parts of my life were failing but murmuring, which is really not trusting God, was opening the door to other types of failure mentality: fear, doubt, insecurity, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and paranoia.  I didn’t build a golden calf but I had me.  My ego was my idol and to worship it all I had to do was murmur, complain and wallow in self-pity.  Unlike the Israelites, though, I was spared His wrath.  That little episode of facing the mirror led me to repentance.  Don’t take lightly the gift of repentance.     2Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.  The land, my life, was in desperate need of healing. 

It’s one thing to know the scriptures and, to tell you the truth if you’re not careful they can become like Christianese or the believer’s version of being politically correct.  Quite another thing is becoming the scriptures by your actions.  I was weighed and found wanting.  (Daniel 5:27)  Truly that’s what it’s all about.  We all live the scriptures whether we are believers or not.   Somewhere in the text there is a verse holding up a mirror to your face.  That is if you are honest with yourself.  If you are honest you will judge yourself. Incidentally I’ve been having planks removed from my eyes.  Holy Spirit makes for an excellent ophthalmologic surgeon; trust and believe He is. I mean, He’ll even let you hold onto the mirror and watch while He works.  

I had a choice to make.  I could either be the bad end of a parable or I could be a disciple.  I am choosing discipleship.  In so doing, I choose to believe the Spirit of God dwells in me.  In me there is a pillar of a cloud in the daytime and in the darkness He is a pillar of fire within me.  I choose to believe that He will never leave or forsake me; He is with me always (Matthew 28:20) I choose to act like I believe it in my ways but especially the ways of my thoughts.  I choose to do as He has commanded all believers to do. (Matthew 28:19-20)  Blessed are they that do his commandments that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. (Revelation 22:14)  I also choose not to be an idiot by numbering my imperfections, failures, but rather choose knowing I am perfected in Christ.  So, yes, that misery pit that I dug myself into, even that pit in my spirit, they have been sufficiently filled with Christ.  (John 16:33, I John 4:4)

And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2Corinthians 12:9

 

 

In Search of Healing: What Ails You?

What Ails You? Part One: The Church

It is an under reported matter, where health is concerned, that your spiritual condition can have a physical manifestation.

Matthew 9:20-21 And behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment. For she said within herself, If I may but touch His garment, I shall be whole. Twelve, the number of divine government; governmental perfection, foundation  (The Biblical Significance of Numbers- Raymond L. Dorrough-not to be read aloud) And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said who touched my clothes? What has His church become?

How we live our daily lives may impress people, but it’s our spiritual lives that makes an impression upon Jesus. Chronic conditions cry out for virtue and most assuredly the garment of praise. The church is bleeding. It is time for it to say within itself, “If I may but touch His garment” and be restored to the virtuous bride Jesus longs to marry.

What Ails You?  Part Two: The Believer

It is an under reported matter, where health is concerned, that your spiritual condition can have a physical manifestation.

Matthew 17:15 Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatic, and sore vexed; for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.  Believers, how often is it that we play with the devil and when we get burned run to the living water that is Jesus?  Your healing is in the steadfast decision you make to rebuke the devil in your life and choose Jesus.  Stay on path; stay on task, being ever mindful that Christ’s own disciples cannot cure your indecision. Let your yes to Jesus be yes and receive His healing. Amen.

What Ails You? Part Three: The World

It is an under reported matter, where health is concerned, that your spiritual condition can have a physical manifestation.

John 9:1-6 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did this sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?  Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.  Indeed, the works, of Jesus must be made manifest in this world.  Verse 4, I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. Verse 6, When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay.

In Hebrew to spit, yaraq (yaw-rak’) is a token of contempt. But God so loved the world instead of continuing to show it contempt His Son mixed the contempt with the dust of the ground He created man from and made clay.  Job said, “Remember, I beseech thee, that thou hast made me as the clay; and wilt thou bring me into dust again?” Not so; He came to heal the world! Healing the world at large will come when the church fully renews its mindset by preaching and teaching what Jesus taught. Verse 5, As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world. This is Revival, just as the Pentecost- Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved. (Acts 2:47) Let the curse of original sin, being blind to who God is, His character and nature be forever broken from this day forward.  The veil has been removed and we seek you, Lord, with the healing of restored vision. Amen!

Black Friday

Dead bones and broken teeth

gnawing through the darkness.

The world trades on empty promises

as do the kings. Collecting souls

with interest. Lo, a blessing for a dollar!

Charging up the devil’s prime rate;

hiding from his due.

Away in a manger; no place for saints,

Wizened serpents crush the breastbones

Of harmless doves clipping their wings

Before flight– or fight.

The wolves are hungry and the sheep sway

Hanging on every word chewing curdled milk

As meat; the substance is chaff.

Oh, the bread we break and water down

With new wine leaving sheep to thirst

All the more while being led away

From heaven’s peace and shore.

The elect sign on as passengers

And steadfastly pay their fare.

Predestinated and calling out

“Lord, Lord!” but remaining

yet unknown.

Thieves stole their ticket

singing a good word but not the Gospel.

Raise up! Tap your feet; clap your hands

In the presence of… me!

The ship is sinking, rather,

crashing on the Rock.

Who will be spared alive?

And I heard Moses ask, “Who is on

The Lord’s side? Let him come unto me.

Jesus asks the same.

And you shall know the truth and the

Truth shall make you free.

And God said, let there be light:

And there was light.

 

© Brenda Howard 2015

Whom Do The People Say That I Am?

About three years ago I went to a prophetic conference a local church was hosting in Rancho Cucamonga, Ca.  I remember studying the speaker bios in the notebook I was given.  While doing so it was dropped in my spirit that I should write up my own bio.  I didn’t know what for as I hadn’t planned on any speaking engagements any time soon.  Still, I was excited with the possibility that the Lord would one day open the door for me to do such a thing.  I reflected on the times long past when I thought I would be a motivational speaker.  Then I was more involved in worldly ways and things than I was with kingdom things and the ways of God.  In essence I had nothing to say.  At any rate if I had decided to come up with something to say it wouldn’t have been very godly.

 When I was considering writing my bio I was barely getting acquainted with God and myself, for that matter– who I was in Him.  I sat in the park across the street from the church and began to write.  It all sounded like foolishness, I mean, who did I think I was and what did that have to do with anyone that might read about it? I was beginning to understand who I was but it all seemed like minutia and the sum total of it all amounted to what, nothing?  I had a world’s resume of working in the medical field and a spiritual resume of being a sinner, a really good one at that, but I wasn’t excited to tell anyone about it. As I wrote I kept asking, “So?”  That was a few years ago and if I wrote my bio today I’d still approach it in the same way. 

I still like to read people’s bios and imagine what God had has brought them through even if the Bio doesn’t specifically state it.  Some of them, to me, declare ‘Look what I achieved!”  and the question, “So?” comes to mind and I have to fight through it checking my own arrogance.  If Jesus had a Bio, what would it read?

Jesus the Christ:  God’s only begotten Son, Son of man, Second Adam, Lion of Judah, Prince of Peace, King of the Jews, The Way, The Truth, The Life; I used spit and clay to restore a blind man’s sight, I first taught in the synagogue at age twelve and totally blew everyone away, I can pray until I sweat blood, I have confounded many scribes and Pharisees with my authoritative  teaching, I have mastered the parable, I can walk on water, I can sleep through a storm  then wake up, speak to the winds and calm the seas; I can ask a man to follow me and he will, I can tell a man where the good fishing is– enough to break his nets, I can feed a multitude with two fish and five loaves.  Oh, yes, I almost forgot!  Someone can touch the hem of my garment and be healed from an issue of blood, and then there’s this cool thing I did when, in the wilderness, I fasted for forty days and nights and resisted the temptations of the devil.  I know the thoughts of men, which are pretty much evil continually, but then there is like Nathanael who had no guile in him and he knew who I was; but that’s neither here nor there…

He may simply write, the Son can do nothing of himself, but what he sees the Father do or the same works that I do, bear witness of me, that the Father has sent me.  So much for advanced degrees and boast worthy achievements, if they do not witness that the Father sent you then, SO? Flesh and blood, or perhaps a conferred degree and fancy ink, has not revealed to you (who I am) but my Father which is in heaven.  We should spend less time on what we write about ourselves and more about what the Father is writing about us. Who we are is not defined by our works and busy-ness great as they may be.  Are we the epistles God has written us to be? How necessary is it to use worldly achievement to justify what we are going to preach or teach within the confines of a church or in the kingdom at large?

The apostle, Paul, was a learned man yet he said in 1 Corinthians 2:1-2  And, I brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God.  For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.  He goes on to say  in verses 3-4 “And I was with you in weakness, (generally,  Bios speak to our strength) and in fear, and in much trembling (not the polish of an accomplished speaker is it?) and my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power.  In verse 6 he says, “Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world (which a Bio done well represents) nor of the princes of this world, which came to nought.

 But when things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.  Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ. (Philippians 4:7-8) Ah! There’s my ‘So?” It’s all dung.  That “So?” was my own righteousness and the law of the world saying I needed a degree to do this or that.  Yes, to work in the medical field as a Radiologic Technologist I certainly did need to take certain classes and obtain certification, experience, etc.  None of it has anything to do with preaching, teaching, and spreading the gospel as God would have me do it. Let’s be real. My worldly credentials are but dung in the kingdom.  My credentialing, if you will, is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith… the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death and the POWER of His resurrection.(Philippians 3:9-10)  It is Jesus! My Bio, should I decide to start writing one again will not ask “So?’ but declare JESUS! Amen.