Lord Willing

My daughter and I went to the Montclair Plaza to look for a place to get the screen of her cell phone replaced. During the estimated 45 minute wait time we went to the Sweet Factory. You know how when you're trying to break a sugar habit ALL you want is sugar? Yes, so it was the sour cherry balls I was looking for. At $12.99/lb you KNOW I was sure not to go overboard.

Afterward we walked down to Barnes and Noble and AMAZINGLY I did not buy another journal or any other stationary item that is generally hard for me to resist especially being half price. So my conscience, Brenae, was there "to tell me no." Vibe killer. I walked over to the Christian section to peruse the titles. I told her I needed a Talmud; she said I had enough Christian books. I argued that it was Jewish but she was serious about the vibe killing business- and effective. Forlorn, I suggested we walk back to where we dropped off the cell phone, grab some Starbucks and then find a table facing the booth so we can stare at the repairman to see if that would encourage him to hurry.

At Starbucks we placed our order- I had to get jiggy wit it and order an Italian soda which the barrista had no clue about but was willing. Brenae ordered her standard menu item, I paid; we waited... and waited as they called out other people's drinks and placed them on the counter. They called again for two abandoned caramel macchiatos... Who orders and neglects their Starbucks? I mean, this is a rare treat for me so... how can someone leave them there looking all sad and abandoned?

Finally some brave souls walked up to, wait a minute, not claim them but say they're the wrong drinks. Inside I gasped a little. Not only were the being abandoned but outright rejected! A brief discussion commences over the matter and a woman using the assistance of a wheelchair turns to Brenae and me and asks if we want them. We start to decline but she insists that we can find someone that may need the two abandoned "upside down" caramel macchiatos. Uh, sure! We take the drinks and seats inside the store and waited for our order.

Not long after the woman walked out with the correct drink and we all lived happily ever after. That is until I heard the Holy Spirit say go pray for her. You know the weirdest things cross your mind when that happens- all at once too! Then there's that sobering internal alarm that asks "you're telling Him no?" Then you do tha sheepish (stupid) Will Smith thing as if to say "Uncle Phil you know I was just playing." I told Brenae to watch my purse and then bolted outta there.

I asked the woman if she would mind if I prayed for her. Not only did she not mind but her face lit up. She introduced herself as Deirdre and told me she was battling Lupus and recently had a back surgery. She told me how sweet it was that I would do such a thing and told me I smiled the whole time I was in the Starbucks... She told me that it was no coincidence that we were there at that time- that she and her daughter weren't supposed to be there... So there we were at the Montclair Plaza calling on God for her healing and thanking Him for it; declaring it.

On any given day I can think of at least a thousand things that I'm not, or even who I am not. Today, I wish I could say I was willing. That would be an awesome tale to tell. The truth is God was willing. 'Nuff said.

I was listening to the gospels of Mark and Luke in particular Mark 13:11 ... take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost.

I had no clue what I was going to say to that woman when I was having my internal conversation with Holy Spirit. I didn't need to. Like I said HE was willing. Looking back when He is willing you don't have much of a choice save for get with the program. I mean, there's a choice. The incorrect one has consequences. I didn't know what the Lord had in mind but what if I had continued to sit there at Starbucks waiting for my Italian soda as if I didn't hear what I heard or second guessed it?

Oh, yes, the cell phone! The man at the booth told Brenae and the woman ahead of us the same time- 45 minutes. At the time we dropped it off I wondered how he could promise both at the same time. I decided to check on it early but when I saw the woman that was ahead of us sitting at a table still waiting I was briefly hesitant. I still went to check on it and, voilà, it was ready! Been ready!
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For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.
Romans 8:19

Because I Don't Know What Else to Say (He Said Enough)

I'm not sure if I discovered it on my own or heard it somewhere but as soon as we are born the slow process of dying begins. As I write I liken it to being a new car that depreciates in value as soon as it's driven off the lot. As soon as it bursts forth from the womb human life is similarly devalued. That newborn sweetness wears off as the 2,3,4 a.m. feedings run the course of a seemingly endless cycle.  When you realize said cycle has ended you are diving into the deep end of the terrible twos and threes. The word "no" is a vocabulary staple of the parent and the parented.

As a parent and because the world is the way it is my mother still expresses to me her concern for my safety though I am well past the terrible twos and threes. I'm much like the terrible fifty-twos and fifty-threes. I said like but who's counting?

You know how mothers are. To them the value of their child's life never depreciates rather it is appreciated and continuously appreciates. I reassure her that I will not die a moment before my time. You also know how children are- invincible at any age. That is until they are not.

It would seem obvious that in light of recent media events, death would be heavily on my mind. Death is always on my mind. Perhaps that's the poet in me. Perhaps it's the ever looming truth. I am going to die. Period. I know I am going to die at the time appointed for me to do so. What I don't know is how or when. God alone knows the details. But then again we have become as gods having obtained the knowledge of good and evil and the power to take away life. We have come to exercise that power quite unashamedly and very liberally. We are a nation of Quick Draw McGraws in human forms.

I have become comfortable with my impending death despite my apparent lack of preparation for it. What I am quite uncomfortable with is the death of others. Not only am I faced with the thought of my own death but the death of others has become grossly unavoidable. Ok, that's nothing new. The deaths of others have become grossly publicized and therefore unavoidable. I have seen a person choked out and bled out as if I were on a field trip to the local slaughterhouse. (Surely the treatment is better there.) But, no, it's Any Street in Anytown, USA.

Somewhere there are mothers crying- a lot of somewheres and a LOT of mothers crying. If a person appreciated the life of the child in the same way that mother did that person would explain to that crying mother why they devalued that life so much they ended it. Whether planned out meticulously or on an anxiety driven whim they would explain WHY. I killed your child because... There would be no press conference or CSI teams searching for a motive- just the life taker, the mother and the why. That person would own up to, what, their mistake, revenge, unadulterated evil? There would be no contrived press release or politically correct statement just the truth, I don't love you.

I love whom I love and they love me. They are my family and friends and outside of that tightly knit circle I have no more love to give. I don't know you. I don't want to know you. I don't even care about you. All lives don't matter; just those I love. Your child is dead. Deal with it. It was not my intention to have the death published but that's the antisocial media information age we live in. The world knows/watched your child die and soon enough another will take his/her place despite protests, marches, memorials, bagpipes and 21 gun salutes...

I understand better now why there are those who refuse to believe Jesus existed or exists. Besides the fact that the letter "j" isn't part of the Hebrew nomenclature there's the perturbation of his doctrine,  "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." (Matthew 5:43-44) Ah, the good old days when it sufficed to love only those who loved you and hate those who didn't. Wait, today is the good old days!

A scribe asked Jesus which is the first of all commandments. Jesus responded with not just the first of all commandments but also told him the second "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." He then added, "There is none other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:31) The challenge is we cannot fulfill the first commandment- love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength without first fulfilling the second. You see? Perturbing! If I don't love you, neighbor, there is no way in hell, earth, heaven that I love God.  In the span of time and space that one is either policing or being policed they are neighbors.  Admittedly there is a challenge to like one another let alone love.

Jesus must have been out of his mind to think that folk could love their neighbors. He must have been radical! Maybe those kinds of "radical" thoughts were better suited for the first century and not the twenty-first century. Yes, it is definitely better to disavow Jesus and his words than dare to live up to them.

Soon the dust will settle and we will each return  to our individual slow process of dying. We will resume/ presume a sense of normalcy rather than truly living and living for one another. That is until "there is a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not." (Matthew 2:18)

The God Who Sees Me

This video is not for the squeamish but through giggles and tears of laughter I watched it immediately thinking about God reaching out to us in the middle of our mess to cleanse us.

I know my past and can't help but imagine God SHOULD HAVE BEEN gagging at the sight of me but, no. He took me in like Abba, Father- like Daddy with a strong constitution. Like   El Roi, the God who sees me, and loves me anyway.

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

https://www.facebook.com/782886601827216/videos/855444287904780/

The Price of Bondage

Many have said I can do bad all by myself.  I have said and done so on both counts.  For certain I was good at was being bad all by myself.  Alone I shouldered the price of bondage.  You know, bondage is the one place the poor have no credit limit and I was running up a hefty tab. Hopelessness, lost dreams, depression– I had it all with instant access.  The more I had the more there was waiting to be given until I was buried in a sea of bondage debt. My platinum reward points total added up to fear.  I had enough points to travel the world but I was so afraid even of my own shadow. (No Peter here.) How could I be a source of light?  Bondage taxed my mobility with compound interest.  How could I trust myself to put one foot in front of the other and step towards success; step towards freedom?

It’s funny but mostly sad how one can be in bondage, have debt yea high, and people still give them things.  I mean, one can receive and endless supply of “things”, but have nothing to give one-self but being good at being ‘bad all by myself.”  How high the price of bondage wondering how life would have been had I not walked it alone bad all by myself.  What if I had faith the size of a mustard seed?  What if I had gotten out of the boat and walked on the water towards Jesus?  What if I had surrendered my life to Him when given a chance?  Instead I chose to be bad all by myself and leave Jesus hanging there on the cross waiting for me to say yes.

Matthew 11:29-30, John 3:17-18, John 19:30

Stone Pillars

She raises high her torch on an island by the bay

Thousands go to see her, each and every day.

Via boat I once passed by and do admit

She has a presence, albeit, somber and still.

An altar made of stone; hopes and dreams

Never to fulfill.

 

The words of a scarcely known poet are enshrined there

Here they are in case you are amongst those unaware:

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses

Yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse

 Your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless,

Tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

 

Emma Lazarus’ words are now famous and well read

Despite the namesake they can’t lift anyone from sin

or being dead.  I offer you a Man who stands at your door

and knocks, by whose breath is true freedom.  His perch is

not a pedestal surrounded by a polluted bay.  His is a throne

placed at the right hand of the Father. He is the water,

a well-spring whose words are life and true.

Listen with your heart and know when He speaks

He speaks to you. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,

and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me:

for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls.”

You see that woman, that national icon,

she can take but never give the refreshing

of the soul, salvation and life.  Except through Christ Jesus

How can one truly live?

 

You are the light of the world

Not some pillar of stone raising a torch; you!

Let your light so shine before men,

That they may see your good works and

Glorify your Father which is in heaven.

 

Alas liberty shall not be represented by a pillar of stone

It comes by one Man, One Lord, our God and Him alone

Listen I say, to the words He said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

Because he anointed me to preach good tidings to the poor:

He hath sent me to proclaim release to the captives,

And recovering of sight to the blind, To set at liberty

 them that are bruised, To proclaim the acceptable

 year of the Lord.” Do you have ears to hear or are they, too,

like pillars of stone and dead?

 

The world has an abundance of stone pillars

Sadly enough the body of Christ does too.

The last days draw ever so near

 we know this to be true.

Who will stand and exalt the name of the Lord?

Will it be me or is it you?

Where I Am Today

Every once in a while I take a look back to see how I wound up where I am.  I was particularly thinking about my Monday class at Melodyland School of Theology.  Sure it’s a tremendous amount of knowledge gained but even more so I am constantly reflecting on my life as a Christian and building a deeper relationship with Christ due to the resultant understanding.

I was listening to one of the CDs the instructor recorded about prophets.  It was a good teaching that went along the lines of what I had been taught previously and in many ways much deeper.  Anyway the instructor mentioned she was part of the fruit of Kathryn Kuhlman's ministry.  She mentioned that although Kathryn Kuhlman did not personally  mentor one on one, she was mentored through that ministry as a young believer.

It took me back to when I read the book “God Can Do It Again” by Kathryn Kuhlman maybe about four or five years ago.  I was so excited about God's ability to heal through people I was nearly beside myself.  I wanted to meet this person who had such a strong gift of healing.  I tell you I was so excited that when an acquaintance of mine whose young relative was found to have a brain tumor sought prayer via Facebook I couldn’t respond quickly enough to tell her about the book I had read and that she should get in touch with this person God used so mightily.  I prayed for the child as well but I just knew the answer to her prayer was that extraordinarily anointed woman of God.  I had no idea at the time that Kathryn Kuhlman had gone on to be with the Lord decades earlier! So yeah, I was as big a noob as they come.

All that to say this 1) by divine providence I am a beneficiary of the fruit of Kathryn Kuhlman’s ministry. 2) I should not doubt the gift God has placed in me. The same Holy Spirit that dwelled inside of Kathryn Kuhlman dwells inside of each of us.  For the longest time my first response to a crisis had been to go get someone else. Unfortunately at that time the person I wanted to go get was long gone!  It was very difficult for me to break the “go get” habit and replace it with the “tap in” habit- very difficult. Now my goal is to “stay in.” As in stay in the Spirit.

There was a particularly trying time for my family and me when people were seemingly, well they actually were, dying right and left on both the maternal and paternal sides of my family. While making an effort to go get someone to pray for me- for us, I heard Holy Spirit speak plainly to me that I was trying to reach out to everyone but Him. I about froze in my tracks I tell you the truth. I then heard the words “you were created for such a time as this.”  I followed up on those words by reading the scripture in Esther 4:14 they pointed to and thought, in my noobness, that my family was set to be destroyed! I read the chapter in its entirety and then some for context remembering Esther interceded for her people and they were spared.  Who is better to speak to God for me but me? In this case He told me straight out!

I begged God for mercy and to spare my family.  What happened was He gave me peace and understanding about things. There were no timely platitudes; just truth and the wisdom of God. Did family members stop dying? No, but Holy Spirit helped me deal with the overwhelming sense of loss. I was forced to draw closer to Him in a way that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I would have continued to rely on people first and use God as a backup plan of sorts. The implication was if they couldn’t get through to Him on my behalf then I would try.  He was breaking me of deferring to others because of personal doubt and insecurity.  Others have a place in my life. It is just not first. That is the Lord's position.  In that season of time He broke from me the tendency to idolize people and put them before Him.
Back to Esther.  I recently learned that it was not simply because Esther was so beautiful and perfumed in sweet smelling oils that she was able to save her people.  It was because she was one of God’s chosen.  The cleansing ritual she underwent was part of her anointing process.  God anoints His kings- in her case, queen. Her physical appearance was secondary to her character.  That’s what God saw despite the fact we tend to focus on her cooking and beauty that got the king's attention.  We should have been focusing on what got the King of kings attention! That nugget of revelation came front the fruit of Kathryn Kuhlman’s ministry. That being said. I am exactly where I need to be; where the Lord leads me.

How is Your Spirit Filled?

By the Holy Spirit it was brought to my attention how I tended to casually read through scriptures where unclean spirits were cast out by simply assuming they were demons or devils.  It’s not a terrible assumption but then the question of what an unclean spirit looked like arose and kept nagging at me.  With the world being what it is today the first analogy that formulated in my mind was that of the recent police shootings.  I had to think of the net effect each incident had on my spirit.  Sure enough the latent image of an unclean spirit began to manifest.

With each report of an unarmed victim of a police shooting I felt just about every emotion mentioned in Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. As a result, I especially couldn’t resist evil speaking or lashan hara which Wikipedia explains: Speech is considered to be lashon hara if it says something negative about a person or party, is not previously known to the public, is not seriously intended to correct or improve a negative situation, and is true.  In my case it didn’t matter if it was true or not; my spirit was unclean. 

How else might an unclean spirit appear?  Perhaps in the form of a person filled with hatred or the opposite of Matthew 5:44, one who harbors un-forgiveness (Matthew 6:15, Ephesians 4:32), fear (Matthew 10:28, Luke 12:5, 2 Timothy 1:7).  All of the above are indicators of an unclean spirit.  That’s not including a person filled with worry or the cares of the world (Philippians 4:6), or depression (Nehemiah 2:2). 

1Corinthians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.  Those scriptures would appear to describe the various ways a person can filled with unclean spirits. 

Using the Hebrew word for unclean found in Strong’s Concordance, tame (taw-may), we see there are three striking ways on can be unclean: sexually, religiously (idols), or ceremonially by touching the dead.  Granted we don’t often come into contact with dead bodies but we do comingle with those who are spiritually dead or unrighteous.  Are we not warned by Paul not to keep company with such people in 1 Corinthians 5:9-11?  For those not continually renewed and strengthened in Christ those associations can adversely impact their spirits making them unclean.

The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:14) How easily we wound our spirit with what we allow into our gates and by words, thoughts and actions.  Is it not possible then that an unclean spirit can be an open door for the spirit of infirmity?  Luke 13:11 speaks of the woman who had a spirit of infirmity for 18 years who was “bowed together and could in no wise lift herself up.”  Once the spirit of infirmity takes hold we, like that woman, can no wise lift ourselves up. 

When reading Matthew 10:1 one can discern the relationship between unclean spirits and all manner of sickness and disease.  Which begs the question to be asked, How are you spirit filled?

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)